Wandering Fireflies

Chapter 28: How Did We Get Into This Mess?

A/N: Happy Monday everyone! :) School has started so now my schedule has changed, but I'm pretty sure I'll still be able to maintain a good updating pace. Just bear with me as I'm just getting organized :)

Song: Butterflies by Stereos

Sometimes, I can't control my emotions. So they become a hurricane of thoughts which then turn into words. These words come tumbling out of my mouth and hurtle forwards, destroying everything in their path. Often, there are people in their way.

This time, it was Zaavan Fleetwood who happened to be on their path.

That's what I always do. I end up hurting everyone I care about because I'm just so selfish. I only cared about how I felt and not how Zaavan did.

Then I said the one thing that shattered and tore that already broken boy apart.

I destroyed Zaavan.

I never meant what I said. I in absolutely no way see Zaavan as a girl. He's a boy and I believe him every time he says that. But I was hurt and I just wanted to make him understand how I felt. Though I went to far. The topic of his gender is off limits.

"Are you ready?"

I gave Zhang a weak smile.

"Nope."

"Hey, I'm here. If anyone tries anything, I will gladly kick their ass," he said firmly.

"Thanks man."

"No worries, I got you."

As we walked through the doors, I was glad to see that there was barely no one there. Although we intentionally came later today because I was nervous about what was going to happen. I'm positive that the whole school knows by now that that was me in the picture.

"Did he answer any of your calls or texts?" asked Zhang.

I shook my head. "I really messed up this time. I don't blame him, I'd hate me too if I were him."

"Don't worry. I'm sure you guys will get through this. He probably just needs some time and space."

I nodded but I knew that this time, I completely screwed up. He'd never forgive me.

I should've hid my feelings better, or at least tried harder to control them. But that was just who I am. I was like an open book with all of my feelings written clearly on my face.

But what can I say? I was scared. Scared that I liked Zaavan way more than he could ever like me. Worried that this relationship would go nowhere and we'd just fall and crash and burn. Hurt that he didn't trust me enough to talk to me when he wasn't okay when I told him everything.

But maybe he was right to do so. I mean, look where trusting me to not hurt him got us now.

This whole relationship just felt so...fragile and unstable, but it meant the world to me.

I didn't regret dating Zaavan. I guess he couldn't say the same about me though.

"Are you going to be okay?" asked Zhang, pulling me out of my thoughts. I just realized that we had already arrived at my first period class.

"Yeah, thanks."

"Text me if you need anything."

"Shoot, you're going to be late," I said as I heard the Pirates of the Caribbean theme song start to play.

"I still got one minute to get to class. See ya at lunch!" he said as he sped off, refusing to run as that'd make him look like an "eager beaver."

I took a deep breath as I entered the class. Unsurprisingly, everyone stopped talking and turned to face me. I quickly made my way to my seat and took out my binder, refusing to look at anyone.