Wandering Fireflies

Chapter 21: Falling Short

Song: Falling Short by Låpsley

"Kiss me."

Standing in the doorway of her house, a confused Katja stared at me.

"Zaavan, I don't have time for this. I have an English essay due by 11:59 pm and it's 11:55 so whatever this is it's gonna have to wait." I shook my head as I followed Katja to her room.

"I never thought I'd see the day that Katja Faye procrastinates."

"I didn't procrastinate. I'm done, I just need to submit it on Turnitin but I just can't press the submit button. It'll make it so final..."

I rolled my eyes as I snatched Katja's laptop, hitting the submit button.

"Zaavan! I wasn't ready yet!"

"You're welcome," I smirked.

Katja shook her head and glared at me. "Okay, now what did you want because I'm pretty sure you didn't just come here to submit my assignment for me."

"I want you to kiss me," I replied firmly.

"Okaaaaayyyy. Why?"

"Don't ask, just do it."

"I'm not going to kiss you if you don't tell me why," she replied stubbornly.

"Wow Katja, that's real nice. You always go on about how I can talk to you and that you're here for me and all that shit yet when I actually ask you to do one thing for me, you refuse to do it. Thanks for nothing." I was seriously pissed. Why couldn't she just shut up and do this one thing for me?

"Why do you hate me so much?" Katja suddenly blurted out. Seriously Katja? You really want to do this right now? Okay, then, have it your way.

"Oh, I'm so sorry that I hate little Miss Perfect with her perfect grades and perfect family and perfect life." I know I sounded like a jealous kid, but I couldn't help it. Katja just seemed so perfect and everybody loved her.

Katja sighed and left the room, returning shortly with a bottle. "It's the medication I take," she said, showing me the bottle. I have social anxiety and along with taking this medicine, I go to therapy at least once a week. I know I seem like I'm this super confident, wild, crazy person all the time but believe me, it took me forever to even be able to order at a fast food place without having a total breakdown."

Wow, I guess I never realized that even Katja has her own shit to deal with. I know that no one's perfect, but sometimes, that's really hard to believe. Great, now I feel even worse than before.

"So don't go around making assumptions about others. People deal with a lot more shit that they tend to show."

"Katja-"

"Don't worry about it," she said, smiling understandingly. "Now will you tell me why you want me to kiss you?"

I didn't really want to tell Katja, but what choice did I have? I took a deep breath and reluctantly started. "There's this guy I know, he kissed me..." I trailed off and watched Katja's face twist from shock into realization.

"And you want me to kiss you so you can confirm that you're not gay?" She finished. I looked down and nodded.

"Zaavan, chances are that if you're trying this hard to prove that you're not gay you probably-"

"Why won't you believe me? Do I look gay to you?" I said in a panicked voice.

"And what excatly does it mean to 'look gay?'"

"You don't get it," I said, my voice starting to crack. "I'm a guy, I have to like girls. Besides, you know how my dad feels about this: homosexuality is a sin."