Crazier

I Miss You (8)

"Don't waste your time on me,

You're already the voice inside my head"

-Blink 182, I Miss You

Shane

"Shane," her voice says, a pleading whisper. "Shane, please. Come home. Please, Shane."

I close my eyes tighter, squeezing my hands over my ears. She screams, and I can still hear her. "Shane! Shane, you promised!"

Jackson is there. He's pulling her away, stumbling, then falling. She doesn't stop, doesn't bother to help him up. Katie cries, pushing her off as she very nearly steps on him. "Mom, stop it!"

"Shane! You told me you'd come home!" she wailed.

The screen flickers. I can see the panic in my sister's face, the pain in my brother's. I want to scream. I want to go home and take them away, but I don't. I look at her, at the woman who always used to be a comfort, and then I scream. I scream like a baby for a bottle, and she screams back, and then it's a symphony of wailing, a chorus of pain.

I slam the computer lid closed.

I sit up, gasping for breath, scrambling back when a pair of eyes flash in the dark, a few inches from mine. A light switches on, and I see that it's Tessa and Richard, both looking at with such worry in their faces I want to cry. Or hit someone. Whichever one comes first.

"What the hell?" Tessa speaks first, a few moments later. She sounds scared, but like she's refusing to show it. "What happened?"

I was gasping so hard, but I couldn't breath right. Silently, Richard digs in my backpack and pulled out my puffer. He hands it to me, and I take a hit, then two more, until I can breathe again.

Tessa sits on the end of my bed, cross legged. She's in a pair of long plaid pyjama pants and a tank top with Mickey Mouse on it, her hair rumpled but eyes alert. Richard is in nothing but a pair of flannel pants, and he sits next to her, closer to me. "Are you alright?" he asks quietly. "Nightmares?"

I look down. A part of me wants to give in to the way that they're treating me like a scared little boy. The other wants them gone. "Go," I say quietly. "Please."

And so Richard stands up, almost instantly. "I'll see you in the morning," he says, and walks towards the door. I expect Tessa to follow him out, when she walks after him, but she closes the door behind him and walks straight back to my bed.

She sits, closer than before. "Tell me about Evan," she said simply. I blinked. "What?"

"Tell me about Evan. And Toby. And Luke." She says. "I want to know about them."

She stares at me expectantly. I wait there, and I think she's kidding until she hits me my knee and tells me to spill. I stare at her, wondering if sitting here with her on my bed, talking about the people who I was currently furious at was a better choice than trying to go back to sleep.

"Shane", her voice rang in my mind. I shuddered, and looked over at Tessa, with her big eyes alert and shadowed over with an unreadable expression. I hesitated a minute before starting quietly.

"Evan's an ass," I decided to begin. Her lips twitch into a grin. "But he's my best friend," I admit. "I don't know if you've noticed, but..."

"You can be hard to deal with."

She doesn't say it like an insult, and so I take it in stride. "Yeah. That. But he does. He deals with me. It's easier sometimes to...i don't know anymore. It used to be easier to be happy when he was around. He gave up, I think. That's why he left me here."