The Business Trip

Before The Funeral

It had been 5 days after I saw the love of my life commit suicide. Since then I have been holed up in my hotel room crying, tweeting, crying, self-harming, crying, and did I mention crying. I've talked to 4 people in the last 5 days. Zayn, my mom, and my best girl friends, Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez. I've talked to Demi the most. She knows all my secrets and so I told her everything that's happened since I met Katie. She's flying here to be with me for Katie's funeral. KATIE'S FUNERAL! It's today! I glanced at the suit I'd been given, laying, still wrapped in plastic from the dry cleaners, on the chair she sat in the morning we shared donuts after her father fucked everything up. I was about to throw the fucking thing out the window because, if I wore it, it would make her death seem real and not just a fucked-up nightmare when there was a knock on the door.

"Go away!" I yelled.

"Niall James Horan! I flew all the way from LA to be with you for emotional support! You'd better open the door!" Demi's voice, the one that had consoled me so much in the past 2 years, rang through the door.

"Fine." I said mostly to myself as I crossed the room and opened the door.

Demi walked in, set her suitcase down and hugged me. I let go rather quickly. Even though I really needed the human closeness, I hadn't showered or brushed my teeth in 5 days so I probably didn't smell so great.

Demi frowned, "Niall, when was the last time you showered?"

"Um, about 5 days." I mumbled.

"Okay, first things first, you need to shower. So go!" Demi pushed me into the bathroom.

I quickly got undressed and hopped into the warm steamy water. I washed my hair and the built-up grime off and shut-off the water. I dried off and tried to stay focused on getting ready for today but my thoughts kept slipping to suicide like they had so many times since Katie died. I couldn't do that to the fans though. Sure most of them hate me anyway, but my family and the rest of the band would miss me. I hoped they would, at least. Who am I kidding, they would fake cry until my funeral and then get over it and get on with their lives like it never happened, like I never existed.

I dropped my towel and stood in front of the mirror with a razor blade in my hand. "Look at you!" The voices taunted. "You're hideous! Nobody can stand to look at you. Even the fans that ask to marry you are just pretending. They only like the others. Your own mother hates you. No girl would ever even want to be seen with you. You're nothing but a fat, ugly boy. Katie killed herself because of the rumors of dating you!" That was the last straw. I needed a release. I sat on the ground and started viciously tearing at the skin on my fat stomach.

I'm not sure how long I was at it before there was a sharp knock on the door. "Niall? Are you okay in there?"

Demi. She can't see me like this. She'll turn her back on me like everyone else. "Y-Yeah, I-I'm fine." I said. Even I didn't believe me.

"Niall, are you cutting?" Her voice was soft, caring.

"N-N-Nope! I-I'm f-fine. Just doing my hair." I said.

"I don't believe you. Niall," She paused, "I'm coming in." Not two seconds later the door opened and I heard a gasp.

DEMI'S POV

I walked in expecting to see Niall crying with maybe 5 cuts on his wrist. That was far from the truth. He was sitting on the floor in front of the mirror balling his eyes out in a pool of  blood. I couldn't help but gasp. He turned and looked up at me, his eyes full of pain and humiliation.

"Niall." I breathed, walking toward the broken boy on the floor.

"No!" He said in a strangled scream. "No! Don't come near me! I don't want you to see me like this." He said, his voice growing fainter and fainter until it was a whisper.

"Oh, Ni, believe it or not, this is how my dad found me before I went into treatment. I was you. Seeing you like this won't make me treat you any different, I promise." I squatted down beside him.

He didn't look at me. "How do I know you aren't lying?" He asked in a small voice.

I sighed. "You don't. You have to trust me. I know that's not much of an answer but it's all I've got. So please, believe me and let me help you get cleaned up."

"Fine." He said still not looking at me.

"Okay." I took the blade from his sticky red hand. I got up and started the water in the shower. Once it was warm I looked at Niall. "Alright, lay in the tub." I told him. He did as I said and I grabbed a washcloth, wetting it. "This is going to hurt." I saw him clench his teeth as I put the washcloth gently on his stomach. I carefully wiped off the blood. His cuts were shallow. There was only about 20 fresh ones. But he had a lot of 2 or 3 day old ones.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Don't be. You saw a person die. You're allowed to do this." I patted his arm. "Let's get you bandaged and ready to say goodbye."

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DFTS

-ASaxyKitKat