Mr. Cold-hearted

Chapter 8: About my mother

- Wanna continue? She said.
- Yes of course, it's just... nevermind.
- No, please tell me.
- Okay. I feel so lonely and empty.
- Oh, don't worry. You can count on me.
- Sure, thank you very much, it really warms my heart...my empty broken heart.
She got kind of sad. Then a awkward silence invaded the park.
I wanted to cry so badly and I couldn't hide what I was feeling so I said:
- Please hug me. Pretty please, I need you.
She didn't say anything, she just hugged me and I started to cry, first in silence but then it started to get louder.
- I can't, I just can't with myself, I'm too much, my thoughts are too much, my heart is so heavy, I need someone, I need help.
- I understand you, same happens with me, that's why I do what I do, I try to help as much people as I can because it fills my life, it fills my heart.
I started to cry louder. I felt so unfortunate and sad.
- Nobody loves me, because I don't open my heart to anyone.
- Yes, you might be right, she said.
- ...but you opened your heart to me, that's why you are feeling like this, I'm glad you did, because now I feel complete, I feel like my greatest work is you, the most important and the most difficult, also the most moving...please calm down, I understand how you feel, if you want to tell me something, you can do it, I won't judge you, I won't tell anyone either. Why do you think this happens? Why do you feel so vulnerable? Think about it, maybe the problem originated when you were a child or a teenager, please just tell me if it makes you feel less worried and anxious.
- You might be right, the problem originated when I was a teenager.
- Okay, tell me why and calm down, please, I'm here for you and I don't like seeing you crying, it hurts me too.
- I'm trying but I just can't stop, I'm sorry. The problem started with my mom I think.
- Okay, what happens with her? Do you love her?
- No, I said and I started crying again. I actually hate her.
- Okay, tell me why, when did that feeling start?
- When I was a teenager, maybe 10 years ago, she used to be really nice and amorous with me but then problems started to appear, she started to ignore me, she started to make fun of me, she used to work day and night, she used to beat me sometimes, insult me. Of course it was not all the time, sometimes she was nice, sometimes she was amorous but that things didn't let me build a good relationship with her, I don't trust her anymore, I am afraid of her, I hate her hugs or kisses, they give me chills in a bad way, I'm starting to think that life would be better if she was dead, I just don't feel anything for her and it hurts me because she is my mom, she is just the one who is supposed to love me the most but I don't feel that way. I don't have her love and I try to find it in people who isn't worth it maybe that's why I am the way I am.
- Okay. Are you feeling better now?
- Yes, kind of.
- Anything else you would like to say?
- No.
- Thank you very much for your confidence I truly appreciate it.
- No problem.
- Can I hug you?
God that phase was amazing, it just made me calm instantly. I didn't say anything and I hugged her, I felt her warm body, my hands were on her back, my face was touching her hair, I felt her breath and her heartbeats, everything was starting to get calm around me. After one minute the hug stopped, I was feeling really calm and happy, my heart was getting a little lighter for the first time in forever.
- Are you feeling better now?
- Yes, thank you very much.
- You are welcome, now we can figure out what objects mean.
- Okay.
- Did you get to see a dog earlier?
- Yes.
- Okay, we know what dogs do naturally, they have puppies and the mother cares about them for the first couple of months, she doesn't let anyone to touch them, even stare at them, right?
- Yes.
- But after some months the mother just starts to ignore them as she sees they don't need her anymore.
- Yes, you are right.
- Well, I think it's your case, the only thing that changes is that you actually need and needed your mom, she was wrong thinking that you didn't need her anymore.
- Okay.
- Don't take it bad please, it's just a representation, it's not like your mom is that thing she is represented by.
- Yes, I know.
- Okay, now please hold my hands.
- Okay. - I closed my eyes.
I was waiting for another revelation but nothing happened-
- Why do you close your eyes?
- Why do you asked me to hold my hands?
- Oh, no reason. I just wanted to do it. - She smiled.-
- Oh, no problem, I wanted to do that too.
- You might not have your mom's love but at least you have my love.
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I am sure.
- Okay.
- Please don't feel weird.
- Not at all.
- Great, because I would like to continue destroying that silly shield you built around you, in order to get to the real you.
- Sure. - I smiled -
- Hey do you think you could... You know.
- Sing?
- Yes.
- I'm running out of songs.
- Okay. - His face turned sad -
I started singing: We will call this place our home, the dirt in which our roots may grow...
- Oh, I love that song.
- Really?
- Yes, I think it's peaceful and cute and in your voice it's even better.
- Okay, thank you.
When I finished singing North by Sleeping at last, something crazy crossed my mind...
Was she an angel?