Fullest Apartment

Chapter Two Part One: Only the Lucky Die Young

The rain was a fitting homage to the funeral that was currently taking place. Blush was devastated about her boyfriend-Flesh Thomas-'s untimely death. She was currently sobbing into Mumble's shoulder, a handkerchief in hand as she put on a convincing display. Although, I could tell it was just an act. I'll have you know that I was Shrek in Shrek the Musical, so of course I know when something is an act or not. That and we all been knew about Blush's attraction towards birds and girls, which happen to make for a great wholesome meal.

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It was kind of funny, how Thomas died that is; it was humorous in a sick twisted way, but funny nonetheless. We had entered the house after burning down that church mentioned earlier. Luckily for us, cops suck dick so nobody was there to stop us as we had our fun. Much like a Fortnite battle, the games have to end, usually with a lack of sex and feelings of disappointing vague Asian ancestors.

Once we opened the door to our fullest apartment™, however, a gory sight awaited us. Hung upside down was none other than Blush's flesh-covered soon-to-be fiancee, naked and gutted for all to see. Aren't trains always naked? That is a question you may have asked, and yes, that is the case, but usually Thomas just didn't have a penis or nipples drawn; similar to my anatomy practices in which I deprive the subjects of genitalia in fear of the sting of a calculator against my firm ass.

"EW THAT'S GAY! REPENT! REPENT I SAY!" Gramer screamed, thrusting a silver cross into the air as soon as his good Christian eyes focused on the homosexual scene in front of us.

"Bitch, everyone in this house is gay. You ain't escaping it any time soon." Aztrima commented, T-posing at the end of that sentence to emphasize her point.

Meanwhile, Blush was passed out on the carpet in an overdramatic faint, similar to one you'd see in one of those love interest anime with yaoi undertones. Just me? Okay then. I would go on, but the rest of the hoes there were either glitching into the void or doing whatever irrelevant people do idk lmao.

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"Yo these croissants are fuckin' great man,' Xero commented, holding out the edible boomerang in front of Blush's tearful gaze, "you should try one, It'll make you feel better."

"Nothing will heal my heart from the pain of losing the one closest to me. My soul yearns for closure, for the knowledge of who killed my dearest Thomas." Blush declared dramatically; like damn, 2015 me whom? My past self is shaking in her Justice peace sign tank top.

Mumble pat the grieving gay on the back before deciding to say something rather bold.
"Uhhhhh I know this is sad and all but like we can just become lesbian lovers like I been wanting a scissor sister. We can totally sync periods or whatever flannel wearing gals do."

Blush wiped her eyes, looking up at Mumble with a teary gaze, "lol sure I mean like I didn't even like him anyways #straightmendie #feminist #homosexualsarefuckinggay."

I managed to avert my gaze as soon as the two former friends began to make out all over the salad bar. Oh no, now all of the vegans would have to starve. That was sarcasm, by the way, they can just eat leaves off trees or some other Mowgli ass shit.

"I know this is a funeral but like let's get turnt ladies!! These dead bodies ain't gonna fuck themselves!" shouted Kaitlyn, resorting to humping one of the coffins. Looks like the men she goes after keep getting older and older.

As I watched Kait cause a general disturbance and a crime against humanity, I couldn't help but reminisce on the day I had met her first. On that day, with the taste of alcohol and cigarettes in the air, I had no idea how the meeting of the motorcycles would forever change me.