Untouchable

Angels

Part Two

Spend all your time waiting, for that second chance,

I sit on the steps alone in the funeral hall. My elbows rest on my knees. Everyone is in the other hall, eating. I am surrounded by a silence that has been closing in around me ever since the end of the service.

Taylor's picture is behind me. There are large bouquets but I don't understand them. How are smelly plants supposed to compensate for my wife dying? The smell of burning candles hangs heavy in the air. Those, have been the most comforting thing since it happened. Not even my own daughter.

Wow. I have a baby now. How the hell am I supposed to be a father and a mother to it? How the hell am I even supposed to raise it?

I am so, so scared.

The sobbing has seized for now, but I am sure it will return eventually. Now, numbing tears are silently flowing down my cheeks.

I am still in shock. It's still sinking in. Taylor is gone. She is never coming back. I am all alone with a baby to raise. I have no experience. No maternal instinct. No idea.

No idea that this day would ever come.

I bow my head, and lean my forehead on my clasped hands.

Let me be empty, oh, and weightless, and maybe, I'll find some peace tonight.

I don't think I have ever really done this before - I really have no idea what I am doing.

"Dear God," is that how you start this? "If you can hear me, I need a sign, an answer, something. I, I don't understand. Why - why is my question. My question for everything. I need to know. Need to know why such a tragedy had to happen."

In the arms of the angel, fly away from here,

I take a shaky breath, and gather my thoughts.

"If you took her away from me because you needed her for something, I, I think you were very selfish."

Tears are forming in my eyes again. I am begging now. Begging for something I never thought I ever would have had to have begged for. I am older than Taylor, shouldn't I be the one to go first?

"You, better be treating her good. I treated her so well; to the best of my ability, and more. And I loved her. Everyone loved her. God, if you took her away because you thought it was a good choice, I think you are wrong. You should've kept her here. Let her live the rest of her life. Let her finally live out her dream."

I am getting angry.

"Yeah, that's right. You are a cruel person. You already have enough angels. Why did you need another one! Why did it have to be Taylor? It was wrong of you to take her away. I know it was! You were being greedy. She belongs down here. With me. With her daughter. Her family. The family she always wanted," I plead.

I take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be yelling at you. But, I will never understand why she had to leave. Never. But God, I am begging you. I am begging you to keep her safe. Don't let her get lonely. Protect her. I don't want her to be sad," I whisper. "Please. I will do anything for that to happen."

"Eating your own words, hey son?" a calm voice announces.

I mutter a soft 'amen' before I look up to the source of the voice. Through my teary vision, I see my dad standing over me.

"Just trying to get a grasp," I reply.

He walks over, and sits beside me. He places a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Now son, I can only imagine on your hurting. And there are tons of different ways to deal with it. But getting angry, will only hurt you more," he explains.

I sigh. I want to roll my eyes at him, but knowing my dad, he would slap me to Russia if I did that. And unfortunately, his words make sense.

"I know. It's just hard. Trying, to make sense of it all. Trying to get a grasp on reality," I stumble some words out.

"No one saw it coming," my dad agrees.

I start bouncing my leg. My dad. Captin Obvious. His presence begins to annoy me. What's his deal being around me? All I want is to be left alone. I need to be alone.

I figure he has no intentions of leaving, so I speak up. "Look, Dad. Can I just be, left alone. I really don't want to be around people right now," I say as politely as possible.

"No," he simply states.

You are pulled from the wreckage, of your silent reverie.

I blink. "W-why?"

"Because. You're trying to burry your emotions right now. That's not healthy. They're gonna come back around and smack you in the face soon. Might as well let 'em out now while people still care. While the support system is still alive."

I love my dad, but his words are very harsh.

"Dad. Just give me my space. I need time to let reality sink in," I complain.

"Nope. I'm not letting that happen. You'll just slip back into the sadness you had as a teenager."

Depression. Will I really fall back into that again? That was a dark place that I never wanted to visit. Will it come back and suffocate me just like last time? Will it win this time?

"I'll be fine dad," I reassure.

"No you won't. You have a baby. You lost your wife. You have no idea what you're doin. Josh. You need help. Stop trying to be brave."

Stop trying to be brave. Is that what I am doing right now? Acting brave during a time where I should be absolutely terrified? When I am terrified?

Do I not have everything figured out? Do I really know what I'm doing?

Then, it all came crashing down. Reality sank in and the tears came.

"God Dad, I have no idea what I'm doing," I finally sob out. I lean my head on his shoulder. "I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Taylor's supposed to be here. She's supposed to be taking care of the dumb baby. I have no idea what to do with it!"

"Let it all out son." he pats my shoulder.

"I'm terrified! I need help dad. I need help. I need someone to help me."

"And we will. Don't think for one second we won't be there for you. Healing takes a long time. You may never heal completely. But we will be there for you, even twelve years down the road."

I continue sobbing. I am blubbering like a little kid. The pain is hitting me full force. "How do you heal dad?" I whisper. "When does it get better?"

"Time. It takes time to heal most things. Surround yourself with people you care about. Your family. Your band. Anyone. Now son, how about you blow your nose and we get some chow?"

You're in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here.

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A/N: omg, I know, I haven't updated since the last ice age I'm so so so so sorry. I really don't have any excuses, I'm just lazy. :S bUt I hope you enjoyed this unannounced update!!!!! AND EVER SINCE I TOOK A BRING THIS STORY HAS GAINED OVER 200 READS I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU SO MUCH.