Untouchable

Feeling Small

Part Three

This one's of you, taking your pill

Spring break flew by faster than I ever imagined it would. Suddenly, I found myself sitting on Jordon's roof, wondering if this was just a temporary thing, or something more. What would happen when school began again. Would I have to go through the days without any drugs to help me out? Speaking of which, how was I supposed to get through this weekend without any?

Fifteen years ago--back when my mom had just passed away--Ian and his now wife Kim, had gotten married. Because of certain circumstances, it hadn't been much of a wedding. But with their anniversary coming up, they decided to renew their vows, and have a much bigger and better celebration. They were throwing it up in the Okanagan where Ian's family was located--that meant I was stuck with my least favourite person in the whole world with no escape.I had no idea how I was going to deal with that.

"How am I going to do it Jordon?" I asked desperately, "You know I hate him. How the hell am I going to spend a whole weekend trapped in a hotel room with him?"

He took a drag of his cigarette. "I can get you some dope for this weekend," he suggested.

"It's not going to work Jordon. As hard as you try, you can't hide the smell of weed. I'd need something that isn't so noticeable. Do you have anything?"

"I might."

My heart sped up. I may still be able to survive this weekend.

"But, the thing is, I need you to pay me back for the past two weeks."

My heart dropped. I had been smoking weed with this guy almost every night for the past two weeks. I couldn't imagine how much I was in debt. I didn't know how I was to get any money from my dad. He couldn't give me love--how was I going to convince him to give me drug money?

I was terrified to tell Jordon. He would kick me off his roof, and out of his life. After finally getting a chance at living--I shuddered at the thought of returning to that deep dark hole I had been stuck in for so long.

As if reading my thoughts, Jordon opened his mouth and whispered into my ear, words that sent shivers up my spine. "It doesn't have to be money." He placed a hand on my thigh. "You can pay me back in other ways."

A shiver ran up my spine. Would it be worth it? So many girls treasured their virginity. If it left, some would consider themselves an alien. If others found out, they would consider them slutty. However, others would consider their fellow virgins prude. I'd heard stories that it hurts--a lot. That it doesn't even feel good. Guys are in it only for themselves. But, I'd also heard that it feels really good.

But regardless of how it felt, was it worth it to make me feel alive? Jordon said he had other fixes. Stuff that would give me life, instead of weed that just calmed me.

I licked my lips, and then said: "Jordon, you said you had other fixes. Stuff that would make me feel alive. I want that. And if, I can't pay with money . . . I'm, willing to pay you in . . . other ways."

A smile erupted on his face, igniting those dimples. "God Sparkles, what would I do without you."

It made me happy inside, to know that I made him happy.

"I know just the thing," he said, climbing to his feet. "In fact, it's cheaper too."

You're barely breathing, I know

"Just this?" I asked, as I held the tiny pill in my hand.

"MDMA," he stated. "Makes you happy. Makes you horny," he whispered.