Unrequited

Chapter Eleven: What Am I Doing?

Dylan's POV:

In the middle of my second month dating the new girl. Why am I doing this?

It seems like I remember her, but I just don't know how. Was she one of my old friends? One of Hazel's of friends? I'm not sure, and I have no idea either. All I know is that I have some connection with her, and it used to be strong. Not as strong as mine and Hazel's, by just as strong as my connection with the guys. Maybe she used to like me, and now's her chance. What if she's Hazel's old friend, and she's doing this to get back at her? But why would you do that to an old friend? Especially someone that you haven't seen for years? Why wouldn't you have just asked me when we were together? Whatever, it's already done, there's no changing it now.

I wonder how Hazel's feeling. It must be quite weird not being able to hang out with me. I mean she's a close friend, not like she likes me. But if she does... it must hurt more than torture. It must be like killing yourself and being reborn just to die again. And I like Hazel, I love her. But somehow, this girl, Madison, is making me just as happy as Hazel would. That bothers, yet comforts me.

This means that when I'm in need and Hazel is dating someone, I can call on Madison. But at the same time, that means Hazel could possibly be replaced, and I don't want that to happen. As happy as this girl is making me, Hazel could do more, or she would try to do more. She's such an overachiever, if there's something she can do better, she'll do it without a second thought. I'm just glad she's not a one-upper, that would irritate me like hell. I just can't stand one-uppers, they're like idiots with big egos that have really good genes or traits. Madison can be a one-upper sometimes, but she usually stops as soon she realizes that she's done it. However, if it was Hazel... she wouldn't have done it at all. If it was Hazel, she would do as much as possible to make me happy, even if it hurts her. Just having the thought that no matter how many girlfriends I've had, she's always been there for me supporting me in every way, and she's been hurting badly inside, makes my heart shrivel and ache with sadness.

Just what am I doing to her? Why am I hurting her? After all that we've been through, you think a guy would learn what hurts someone and how to prevent it. But I can't help it, it's just the way I am. But Madison is different from all of the the other girls that I've dated. All of the other girls just liked me because they thought I was cute or kind or something else cliche. But Madison seems to know me, even the bad things about me. It feels good to have someone else besides Hazel to talk about things that the guys would call girly. However, it feels like I'm replacing Hazel. Why do I keep going back to her? I should be happy with Madison right now, we're in a store and I'm sitting in another boyfriend-chair. God were these things made for guys to think of ways to break up with their girlfriends? Sure feels like it, I already found out 6 ways to break up with Madison. But I can't do that to her, she's going to leave in a few weeks anyway.

Just a few more weeks, then I'll go back to Hazel. Just a little while longer before I'm able to hang out with Hazel again. Hazel will be able to get my heart fluttering again. For the time that I've been dating Madison, my heart had only fluttered the first time she kissed me, but now it's annoying. She's constantly trying to kiss me, especially in front of Hazel. Normally, girls try to shy away, and the most we do around school-or in front of Hazel-is hold hands, but this girl is just too much. Constantly begging for my attention, consistently trying to flirt with me, and even just stealing me away from starting a conversation with Hazel. Wow, I never realized just how much I want to break up with her. These boyfriend-chairs are really good. Now not only do I have ways to break up with Madison, I also have reasons! Never would I think these stupid chairs would be so helpful.

These boyfriend-chairs are scary. No wonder I haven't sat in one when I'm with Hazel. But it wouldn't matter even if I was in one, I don't think there's any reason I would want to break up with Hazel. Plus, even if I was dating her, she would make too many jokes and comments that I wouldn't have enough time to even think about how to break up, much less why. Hazel will never make me sit in one of these chairs, she would probably make just walk around with her. Hazel would do so many things that Madison just doesn't understand.

Hazel would talk about world problems, her family, and new events happening that really matter. Madison would talk about new gossip, fashion trends, and flirty things to try and seduce me. Hazel would hold my hand, blush, and fiddle with her necklace. Madison would cling on my arm, kiss me, and twirl her hair. Hazel, she would never try and argue with me, even if I'm wrong. Madison, she would bitch about every little thing, even if she was wrong. Hazel will ask me if her dress looks like her. Madison will ask me if her dress makes her look fat. Hazel on her period, would try to avoid me as much as possible. Madison on her period, would never stop calling me, whether it's to say "I love you", or "I hate you". Hazel, would never ever make me sit in one of these stupid boyfriend-chairs. Madison...well look where I am now.

Hazel and Madison have so many things that make me happy, but there are so many things that thy do differently that make me upset. Well, more Madison than Hazel. The only thing I would ever be upset toward Hazel about would be lying. Which she's doing right now, but I'm doing the same, so we're pretty even. I wish that I could jut break up with Madison already. These past two months are taking too long. I need to get back to Hazel.

I need to make sure that she still thinks the same of me. I want to make sure that she understands why I hurt her. I need to tell her that I love her. I need to ask her out. I need to see her smile. I need to see all of the cute little things she does when she's around me. I need to ask her if she likes me. I need to know if she likes me. I want to ask her if she's okay. I need to know if she's alright. I need to be by her side right now. But I can't. For every girlfriend I've had, I have never, ever, ditched them or treated them with less respect than I should. But this is different if Madison really is getting back at Hazel, and Hazel is hurting, I need to be by her. I need to know that she'll be alright. But can I really do that?

Can I really do that to someone who's going to leave my life in just a few weeks time? Am I really that much of a jerk? I'm cocky, but I can't be this much of a dick. Why do I want to leave this girl so much? I mean, she makes me happy and it's not like I don't like her, I just like Hazel.

Is that the real reason? Or are you afraid that you might like her just as much as Hazel?

What the hell is your deal stupid voice? Being such an idiot, no one can replace Hazel, not as far as I can see. But like I said before, Madison might be replacing Hazel in my life. I don't want that to happen, or maybe I do. Hazel, Madison, Hazel, Madison, Hazel is being replaced by Madison? Madison is replacing my precious unique Hazel? What's going on? What am I doing? I'm letting her be replaced by this bitch? This bitch that somehow is making me just as happy as her? I'm letting her get hurt from this drama? what is wrong with me? How can I be such a jackass to such a wonderful friend, more so, the girl that I like? What am I doing?

Hazel...help me.