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January 19, 1982
Rayne
"When you're older." Its always been "when you're older" but I'm starting to believe "older" will never come. I am 15 years old and my mother still avoids the topic that should have been addressed when I was 4. She can't expect me to go on with my life forever accepting the fact I have no clue who my father is just because she doesn't want to talk about it. I've been asking these same questions for as long as I can remember, why is it I still can't seem to get a straight answer? My father is out there somewhere and I know there's a reason my mother is hiding him from me. She's hiding something. She's hiding something.
Me and my mother got in a fight yesterday, because I began asking the same questions again. I wasn't going to take the same one word responses as answers anymore, she ended up grounding me because she couldn't handle her own secrets.
I was home alone, she was at work. If she wanted to hide things from me, then fine. I'm just going to have to find them myself.
I stood up from my room and went into my mom's, I hardly ever come in here. If she wants to play this game, then lets see what we can find hidden away.
I looked in her dresser, nothing. Under the bed, nothing. Then I looked in the closet, nothing. I almost gave up, but then I remembered. There's a secret high self in ever closet in this house, if she would hide anything it would be up there.
I grabbed a chair and stood on my tip toes to look on the shelf. There was a box, I decided to grab it and bring it down so I could have a look inside.
I brought the box to the floor and started rummaging through it, it was a bunch of papers. Or better yet, letters. I grabbed one that stood out to me, it looked maybe 10 years old or more. All of them did. I began to read it.
June 17, 1970 Dear Caroline, I know this is your parent's address, but its the only place I could think of where you might be. If Carrie isn't reading this, then please give it to her the next time you see her. I wanted to say that I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for letting you down, I'm sorry you felt you had to leave. I never meant for you to leave. I know we had that fight, I'm sorry for what I said. I just want you back. I want you to come back and we can go back to how things were, we can forget about that fight and everything else. I'll never even mention it again, I just want my girls back. I'm nothing without you two. Please. Come back home. Love, Sodapop
1970, I was 4 then. Who could this be? What did they mean by "girls"? Was this a boyfriend of my mom's? Possibly my Dad? I grabbed another letter and read it, it was from a different person. But from around the same time.
March 7, 1971 Carrie, So you really went rouge, huh? You haven't been around for quite some time, I at least thought you'd come back. Soda's sent you some shit, hasn't he? I found your address because I found one of the letters he was about to mail you, and decided why not write one myself. Hope Rayne's doing well, but we both know she's going to be asking about her daddy at some point if she hasn't already. If she's anything like me she won't stop asking either, get ready for a wild ride Caroline. Jonas is doing well, he'd probably like to meet his sister one day. The truth will come out at some point Carrie, you can't hide forever. Hope you're well, have fun in Georgia. - Dal
Woah. That answers...a lot. But at the same time raises so many more questions. Was this "Dal" person my dad? I have a brother? Who is Sodapop to my mom then? What did the other letter even mean? Maybe a stepdad? These are all being sent from Tulsa, Oklahoma...that sounds so familiar. Could that be my home town? I grabbed another note, it was from the same person who sent the first one.
September 30, 1974 Dear Caroline, Its been a while since I've wrote you. You've never responded, so at this point I don't even know if you're receiving these. Maybe your parents are and they're just throwing them away because they hate me as much as you do. Rayne's 8 now. I hope she's well, I've always hoped that. I wonder if she knows about me, but if she doesn't I understand. I just hope she knows I still love her. And I still love you. I doubt you will ever come back, but just know if you do you'll be welcomed with open arms. I married. I met a woman named Holly, we had a baby girl. Sadie. She's 3 now, we're thinking of having another. I just thought you might want to know. I still love you with all my heart, and Rayne too. Always remember that. Love, Sodapop
Now I'm confused, are either of these men my father? I looked through the box and there were a lot from Sodapop, and only one from "Dal" which was the one from 1971. There were a few more things I scanned through, and letters I didn't care about. There were so many from Oklahoma. I picked up one more from Tulsa that wasn't from either of the previous men, and decided to read it.
August 8, 1976 Dear Carrie, Bet you didn't expect to be hearing from me. Chances are you just might be one of the last people to do so. I'm skipping town, for good. None of the gang knows, I don't want them to know. They might come looking for me. I just can't take it anymore, everything is always the same and there's never anything knew. It's driving me insane. That's why I'm writing you of all people, because its a change. I need so much change Carrie. I'm taking one of Tim's trucks and driving off to wherever the road takes me. If you hear back from me then that probably means I found my way home or something. If you don't then that probably also means I just forgot your address haha. Hope you and Rayne are well. Don't tell the gang about this. You probably wouldn't anyways. Sincerely, Johnny Cade
I have no clue who that could be, but I have no time to wonder. I heard the front door open and I scrambled to put the box away. I kept the important letters and stuffed them in my pockets, trying not to rip them. I then put the box back and moved the chair to my mom's desk. I walked out to the hallway and luckily she didn't notice I was in her room. I was in the clear.
"Hey, Mom." I greeted
She sighed from her long day at work, "Hey, Pumpkin."
I went into my room and put away the letters to where she wouldn't think to look for them. This was it, the first step to the answers I've been looking for.
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Me realizing this was the last flashback chapter of the book. Only 2 chapters left, I'm legit really sad. This story means so much to me I don't want to stop writing it. But I guess all things must come to an end :( hope you guys have enjoyed the story, I'll see you in the next chapter. - Julie Mahal
