SHIFTED

5

Excuse my mistakes.

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“We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars.” – Unknown.

Those four words that I’ve been preventing to hear just went into my ear and straight to my brain, wobbling Jell-O legs are just side effects. I can tell that this is not going to be great from the look of my mother whose hands are on her waist and whose lips are pursed. She is disappointed. I know and I can still remember that look on her face every time I did something wrong when I was seven.

“What about?” I asked trying to hide the nervousness in my voice but failed.

She walked towards me and I recognized the phone she’s holding. “Your father called.”

“And?” I replied. I managed to calm myself and I successfully did.

Her eyebrows shot up like she was surprise of my reaction. Her lips pressed into a thin line. “And?” she yelled. “That’s all? And? Of all the polite words I and your father taught you, you only managed to rely to me ‘and’?”

“What do you want me to say? That I’m sorry? I don’t even know why he called or why you’re barging into my room!” I said rudely.

She scoffed. “Well, just for you to ‘know’” she said air quoting the last word with her fingers, “He told me – only now – your little behavior in Weston. Your drinking sessions, your not-going-home agendas and your outburst the day before you got here. Does all those wonderful memories of yours ring any bell or you still don’t know?”

Wow. “I thought you already know?”

“How would I know? I’m not with you always.” She retorted.

I scoffed. “Right! How could I forget? You’ve never been with me since I was eight! Since you left me. Ever since you two split and you decided to leave me.” I yelled at her. “And you didn’t even say goodbye! I can’t believe why I even think that you already know. You didn’t care! You never cared!”

“That’s not true!” she yelled back.

“Not true? Tell me, how many birthdays I had that you attended ever since you moved out? Tell me!” I crossed my arms on my chest waiting for her answer.

“Honey…” she whispered to me feeling sorry.

“Zero! I waited for you at the stairs, at the gate! I waited for your shadow. I can’t wait to show you the horse Dad gave me as a present when I was ten, did you came? No!” I didn’t stop yelling. “After all this time I hated Dad. I blame him because I thought he was the reason why you’re not home. I never knew why you left me.”

“Honey, it’s not your dad’s fault. It’s mine.” She explained to make me calm, she failed.

“What?” I’m not hearing this.

She walked towards me and tried to hug me but I stepped back and held up my hands to not avoid her touching.

“Your dad and I separated because of what I did. And I… I don’t think you’ll understand… b-but…” she stuttered.

“But what Mom?” I asked getting impatient.

“I’ll tell you at the right time. Your father and I will tell you.” She explained.

“No, you’ll tell me right now. With or without Dad!”

“Please, Honey. Not now.” She said trying to make me calm.