please listen to me

chapter 18...to fit in

Im standing here alone. I want to fit in but I can't. What hinders me? Myself !
They act like nothing ever happened...they have fun cheating.
I can't have fun like they do because of my dann old fashioned loyalty.
It's funny how men call me a whore...I sometimes wish I was one.
I sometimes want to be carefree like some woman...wanna have fun.

I can't.

Even though they generalize...I'm still here figuring out how to stop them.
Should I care?

I can't not care because I already do.

But now I know why I'm alone...it's not anyone's fault but mine.
I don't fit in because I thought they're lost people...but it's me.

I'm the one who's lost here in this world. Everyone's doing just fine.

They "make love around" meanwhile I disrespect myself...my body.

Men ask me...they flirt but it seems like the devil is playing a prank on me...testing me.

I don't have self respect...if I would I would make my body feels good.

I deny...because I wanna go to heaven so bad.

Lust and Love are pretty much the same nowadays.
But if it's the same thing....then why is it difficult for me to feel them?

I'm living my life in hell in order to go up there after death.

Look at all these happy people....I can't fit in because I'm a sad pathetic woman.