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9/15

Today was fine. 

I started off with tennis practice, and I did okay. 

I'm still frustrated with my hits because it's not good enough. 

My doctor said that I'm causing too much stress on myself, but it won't stop. 

I can't make it stop. 

I'm not good enough. 

That's why I'm confused why he kept saying he likes me. He says he knows me enough. He says that he'll wait for me. 

A lot of people have said that, but they always forget me and walk away. 

Why do people promise things like that? 

It gives me false hope that someone cares about me that much. 

They're all lies though. 

He talked to me again today. It was okay. It wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. 

I have to go back to school on Monday, and I can't deal with it. 

Fight or flight response for me has always been flight. 

I can't deal with the pressure. 

I know I can't run away from my problems though. 

At least, not forever. 

They always chase me. Especially in my dreams. 

It doesn't matter what it is, I'm always running, flying away from my problems. 

I watched a show today. 

It made me realize how empty I feel .

I'm drifting between emotions right now: hurt and happy. 

I don't know which I am anymore. 

I know that if I was truly happy, I need someone with me. 

That person will be the person I'm with all my life. 

I'll love them with all my heart. 

But that's the scary part. 

What if they leave me? What if they cheat on me? 

So many bad things can happen. 

I'm really scared, but I need someone with me if I want to be whole again. 

Right now I'm empty. 

I'm waiting for someone. 

Help me. 

Someone come help me, please. 

~Day 2: End~