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9/17

Today, one of my best friends and I went to challenge a Doubles pair for Doubles 1. 

We are singles players, but we want to be on Varsity next year. 

Our best chance of being on Varsity is to be doubles. 

However, we lost today. 

I was really sad, and highly disappointed in myself. 

I felt really bad. 

I felt that I dragged her down. 

This happened last year too. 

The stress and pressure just gets to me. 

I want to be useful, I want to be seen as an asset, not a drag. 

I felt like a weight though. It really sucks. 

We're still singles, so everything is okay, but I feel like she's disappointed in me as well. 

I already felt emotionally sick since Saturday. 

I don't know what's going on with me. 

I just feel so tired of everything. 

What can I do to make it better? 

Sleep the pain away? 

I don't know...

I really need someone right now...

That same guy, I avoided him today at all costs. 

I saw him everywhere. 

I was scared. 

I didn't know what to do. 

I felt bad again. 

Something's really wrong. 

I keep repeating that in my head. 

My heart hurts a lot. 

I really don't know what to do.... 

~Day 4: End~