The Adventures of Evelyn and Snape

The Start and the First Chapter

I'm-

A banana Seattle cow in Las Vegas eating Chipotle, while dancing to Britney Spears singing in French, with a crying baby next to her and the baby bottle on the dirty floor covering the floor in an unnatural yellow glowing liquid.

Which she stole from a wizard named Professor Snape, who was out drinking with a golden duck who happened to have a crush on Snape and was into daddy kink.

But Snape had no clue that the duck was looking at him with such eyes, he was too busy flirting with the bartender wich the duck hated with a passion because she cheated on his human brother with a racer snail named Rolan.
Rolan was also cheating on her with the golden ducks' human brother. But that was an affair that no one knew about because the golden duck whose name was Evelyn and his brother Syler had an evil homophobic mother who would kill both of them if she found out. 

So Syler used the bartender named Ashelie to cover up his relationship with Rolan, but since Rolan was such a douche he decided that he could use both Ashelie and Syler to get what he wanted all along. But Evelyn wasn't having it so he came up with a plan to expose Rolan,  so he set him up with Ashelie and showed his brother what he was up to, Syler was obviously bummed out but he moved on fairly quickly since Rolan wasn't worth his time.

He became a movie star and took the world by storm, while his brother just sat next to the person he crushed on, watching him silently, while Snape flirted, reminiscing about past experiences.

Evelyn snapped out of it and decided he was going to try to make Snape jealous, so he got up and went dancing with a hunk of a guy,  jealous was Snape though he didn't know why.
Snape glared at the two dancing body's while taking a shot of tequila, slamming the glass down against the counter he got up and started to make his way towards Evelyn, who he just yesterday believed was nothing but a friend.

Snape bent down, grabbed the back of Evelyn's shirt and pulled him towards his chest, giving the dancing stranger a dirty look. To say Evelyn was surprised was an understatement, he didn't think the plan would work so well if at all!
Snape dragged the boy he was just ignoring out of the club while the bartender yelled:

"Wait handsome, what's your name?"

but Snape was not listening, seeing as he was pissed.
When he had dragged the golden duck by the shirt for about an hour without knowing where he was going Evelyn decided to speak up.

"so, Snape waddup? You in a rush?"

Snape retracted his hand, far too quickly, from Evelyn's shirt, making the magical duck being fall, hitting his buttocks. Evelyn stood up and swept his feathers over his rear end. For he wasn't wearing any pant, Donald Duck style.

“Are you okay?” asked Snape.

“I would be better if I hadn’t been dropped,” The Duck said sarcastically.

“I’m sorry I, I just, I don’t know what happened to me,” said Snape, confusion lacing his words.
Snape was too ashamed to say anything, thinking Evelyn had no interest in him. Evelyn opened his beak to argue but got cut off.
“I just think we've had enough playtime and that we should get back to looking for the yellow potion,” Said Snape last minute.

The duck nodded while placing one of his wings against his chin and narrowing his eyes, an action Snape suddenly found absolutely adorable.

He cleared his throat.

"I asked the bartender and she mentioned that she had seen Britney Spears carrying a yellow glowing baby walking past the bar. She told me that she'd taken a picture and showed it to me, that baby must have drunk the potion,"

 “Oh Shit, We better get to the baby before it turns into a big yellow magical hulk,” Exclaimed Evelyn.

The potion was an incomplete spell potion that was supposed to make people strong but a few things went wrong and now whoever drank the potion would turn into an uglier and yellow version of the hulk.

After they packed a few magical items like the reverse potion and a temporary human potion, Snape and Evelyn took a portal to the mortal world for a journey to find the glowing baby Britney Spears took. Evelyn drank the temporary human potion and they dressed up as cops to ask if someone had seen a yellow glowing baby, none had, but when they asked about if they had seen Britney Spears, they got more answers than what they wanted.

They followed the mortals' description of where Brit-Brit had gone, but they ended up in an alleyway between two brick houses and a wall of planks, how creative.
They where just about leave when suddenly they were surrounded by a gang of men that looked like they were bad news.

“who are you, we’ve never seen you around here,” asked a big ugly guy that looked like he was in charge.

“We were just leaving,” said Snape wearily.

“you can’t just leave, we haven’t even introduced ourselves,” said a small guy in the crowd, laughing.

“yeah, we’ll make sure you remember us forever, once we get to know each other,” said the ugly dude.

They had to get out fast because they didn’t want to hurt a bunch of mortal with their inhuman strength and Evelyn’s human potion was running out, soon Evelyn would turn into a duck and the gang would see that there was a walking talking golden duck in front of them.
That was obviously bad news so they had to think fast...

"Think fast" Snape mumbled to himself, and then it hit him

He gasped and pointed at a bakery sign.

"Look over there, it's amazing!" He exclaimed

All members of the gang turned their heads in confusion while Evelyn smacked his head repeatedly against one of the two brick walls, making his golden locks fly all over the place.

Snape took advantage of their moment of oblivion and searched his backpack for a teleportation potion, he found it just in time as the gang realized that they had been fooled. Snape threw the potion on the ground making it glow in a deep purple until it turned into the consistency of quicksand.

They sunk into the now purple floor and Evelyn whose human potion just ran out took the chance to yell:

"Peace out, bitches!"

And then they were completely consumed by the purple floor. They continued sinking until they arrived at the surface again.

"So dumb" Evelyn stated while shaking his duck head.
"Mortals, Am I right?"

He patiently waited for an answer before tapping Snape's leg with his beak. Snape snapped out of it and turned his head down to look at Evelyn. He opened his mouth, a bitter expression plastered on his face and said:

"Using a potion was probably not the best way for us to get out of that situation when the goal was for magic not to be noticed"

"Oh"

"Yeah, oh"

They went back for half a second with an invisibility cloak and sprinkled some memory loss powder on the gang members who hadn't moved at all, probably still confused, and went back.