Sheets | ✓

TWELVE

The card reader beeped as I pressed my transport card against the graffitied surface, my dismal card balance making me grimace a little before tucking the card into the pocket of my pants. As Autumn had broken, the hot mornings had slowly been descending into mildly chilly ones, though the sun still shone bright in the sky. I pulled my jumper sleeves down my hands so they covered my fingers, my backpack heavy on my shoulders. 

I slowly walked to my usual seat under the platform's roof and sat down, earphone jammed into my left ear as I glanced around. Other students were loitering around with their friends, pants hanging low and shirt sleeves rolled up despite the cool morning. A few of them were leaning against the fencing, bags at their feet and cigarettes hanging from their fingers. I exhaled as I watched them drop their smokes onto the ground and grind them with their feet. I had never smoked a day in my life, but I knew the taste of them. 

Nico tasted like them that night.

I groaned as the thought invaded my mind, my fingers pinching tightly against my nose bridge as I shook away the memory. After forcing myself to think about other things, I found comfort in the familiarity of the station now. The same business man stumbled across the platform, tie still half undone and briefcase barely closed as he checked his watch frantically, the fabric under his armpits dark as he ran to catch the train. The same woman wearing pointed heels and a tight pencil skirt sat stiffly on the other end of the bench, glasses pushed high up her sharp nose bridge and a steely frown on her thin lips. The same graffitied patterns lined the corrugated fencing on the other side of the platform, the chunky lettering overlapping others in blotchy bright neons and dripping blacks. The people and the walls here were the same day in day out, nothing ever changing.

But looking around me now, I realised that one thing had changed.

Me.

Everyone around me went about their day as if nothing had happened, but I knew that everything around me had changed. I was no longer a virgin, I had slept with Nico Beckett, I was questioning my sexuality despite pretending that I wasn't. I had kissed Sofia. 

Sofia.

I groaned again, the uptight woman beside me giving me a glance, curious. She probably wondered what had gotten into me, since I usually sat there silently reading a book with my earphones in, oblivious to everything. Things had changed so quickly, and as hard as I was trying to outrun it, everything was catching up to me. I could feel it nipping at my heels.

There was a loud, prolonged blare of a horn as the train began to round the loose curve to my left. The sound made me jump up to my feet, the sharp-nosed woman giving me another amused glance as she too rose, but far more calmly than I had. Standing in the same place as I always did, knowing that Sofia sat in the same seat on the train in the same carriage as she always did, I felt sick to my stomach. After kissing her on Saturday, not knowing what we were now, or what I even wanted us to be, I felt sweat begin to build on the back of my neck despite the bumps on my skin.

As the train grew closer, I found myself stepping back behind the billboard in the centre of the platform. As the train slowed, brakes screeching against the metal tracks, one carriage passed. And then a second. And then Sofia's. I felt myself release a breath as the fourth carriage passed, my body quickly walking around the billboard and into the final carriage behind it. Slipping through the doors, I quickly walked towards an empty seat in the corner, dropping myself onto the chair. I quickly looked around the train carriage, and as if on cue, my phone vibrated in my pocket as a beep buzzed in my ear. Hands sweaty, I pulled my phone out and glanced at the bright screen.

Sofia - 7.58am
Hey,where are u?
The train's about to leave
Are u okay? Ur never late

I gulped as I felt the train sway as it began to move, and as it did, Sofia sent another message.