Longing For You(Doctor Series #2)

Chapter 27

Choose

I ponytailed my chest length hair because sweat is already taking my systems.

I took a deep breath and starting to change clothes. No need to worry again, Jandrick must've probably changing by now... The surgery is already finished.

I took my purse and the phone. The scene flashed in my mind. I closed my eyes in embarrassment.

Can you believe it!? He almost saw me naked! Damn it! That stupid maniac!

I walked out and fixed my cream colored heels. I groaned and finally walked again.

I made a face.. I'm sure it made me ugly that now I saw Jandrick and Euphiemia laughing each other.

Whatever! Euphiemia had already a relationship with Jahrid. But do I have relationship with Jandrick, anyway?

He just kissed and confessed that's all. He never asked me to date or be his girlfriend.

I walked to the side. I'm sure that it's still a start. Damn it, Alisa! You're the one who is pro at things like this!

I rolled my eyes at myself. My phone beeped. I opened it and saw on unread message just now.

Jandrick:

Where are you?

I notice that everytime he's worried it will be obvious and embedded on his texts.

Me:

Going to my office and eat late lunch.

It's almost three o' clock. The surgery almost got us two hours. I'm used to it. Especially on emergency and others.

Processes like too much bleeding and mistakes. You had no time to correct your mistakes. 

Everyone deserves second chance but not for the same mistake. Then... How about my love for Jandrick?

When I was a kid, I was very sure that it was infatuation. They almost faded but the times that he got his chance it will grow more.

My thoughts stopped when my phone beeped again.

Jandrick:

I'll go there, too

I only sighed. I walked slowly by now, I'm sure he will get there on my office first.

Me:

Okay....

I looked around. This feeling. Before I thought that his attention to me is just fake.

But he just confessed he loves me—fuck?

Maybe he just did that? Fake again? Because I'm sure that night dinner Dad told him to cancel the engagement and he did this to continue it?

Is it really business?

Tears welled up in my eyes thinking that.

It's possible. He maybe really wants the other shares of the company and wants to help that he did this.

He is courting me instead of fixed?

I ran away. I saw bunch of people looking at me. I even saw Euphiemia with Jahrid by now and some persons.

I looked away. Damn, he just confessed to me days ago and this thought came to my mind?

I thought... This kind of thought will never ever come to me but now I realized it all.

It's possible......

He might just using me... Again.

Damn it, what to do? I texted him that I'll go to the office but it will be delayed a bit.

I went to the west side garden. To calm up my fucking self. Maybe I should figure this all out by myself.

I gulped hard when my last tears are now wiped away.

I should play dead until I figure out. A voice rang in my mind.

"He doesn't want to lose the moon while counting stars"

I shook my head. No, it was the moon that got away. And the moon was lost in reality and what it hopes.

What you may wish will not happen but some of it right?

But what if your reality and what you hoped is really far from each other? Miles and miles away.

I don't learn. Fuck. I really don't know how to learn from feelings.

My phone beeped.

Jandrick:

I've been waiting like years here..

I widen my eyes a bit and my mouth was half open. If only I could just run out in freedom.

I don't want to be slave. If you ask me to choose heart or brain... Nothing.. My own self will be a slave to itself.

Do you get it? Maybe you don't know the feeling. The heart and mind had different opinion.

Now I choose nothing....

I'm not a slave.

It's a freedom I want. The feeling that your mind and heart has the same opinion.

No difference.

But impossible. If only one of them will agree.

My mind thinks that Jandrick did this for business and my heart wants to follow and love him the way I want.

If I choose my mind. My heart will be emotionally broken. I feel for him since I was fifteen now 21, it's the same. I'm not sure if someone could change my heart's decision.

If I choose my heart, my reality would be broken and I will live in lies. It's not that bad but I love him. Emotionally and mentally and physically.

The wind blew. The cold wind kissed my lips turning it also cold.

How about you..? Which will you choose? Heart or mind?

I made you! My decision is also yours! Don't make my mind cloudy! Damn, Alisa! I'm not your slave, you're my slave(>_<). Hehehehe