Somebody to You

Chapter 14

I spent the rest of my day alone in my room. I don't think that I realized how much a craved this day alone until now. I was revolted with myself for confessing so much to Xander. I never should have told him about them. They were the unspoken part of me, a part I never intended to share with anyone. They lived within the deepest and darkest spots inside my mind. A place I was even afraid to go to. It felt a little as if I had betrayed them.I hated myself.

So I spent my day reading. I needed to forget for a while. Forget I existed, and this was the only way I knew how. Loose myself so deeply within the pages that I have no room in my mind to think of anything else. The world simply didn't exist.

Xander kept sending up trays of food throughout the day as well. Snacks and meals the maids came up with, with them a note from Xander with one word. Eat. So I ate. Not too fast though. My stomach needed to get used to the nutrients again. It felt good, and  it was as if I could feel my body slowly healing itself faster with each bite. My father was not going to approve, but I was going to take advantage of it for now. 

As I finished the last page to my book I saw the time was 5:00pm. I had non interest in leaving my shell. Xander would send up food anyway. The days were still long, and I could still see the sun in the sky, starting to make its decent.This time of the day is always the worst. The time when families come together for the night. Would I ever have a family?

 It wasn't till now that I begun to think about how things might change. Would Xander and I get our own house, or we would we move in here? It would be weird if we stayed here right? I mean we're gonna be married. What is father gonna do? Surely he would allow me to leave right? Would we share a room? Do they expect us to have kids? I mean certainly not. Would it be weird if we slept in different rooms and we were married? Of course it would, but no one would have to know right? What if Xander made me though. What if he expected all of those things? He wouldn't force me to do those things right? I may have thought that at first but now? He's shown me a different side. I honestly don't know what he would do. I feel my stomach churn. The not knowing being strangely worse than before. Completely unpredictable. Terrifying.

With a strange feeling of determination in my gut I rose from my spot and went to the door. I had to know. What exactly was going to happen to me? It wasn't until I reached the bottom of the stairs that I realized I probably should've changed. I was wearing pajama shorts, and a long sleeved shirt. With no bra I might add. It was too late now though. If I went back up I knew I wouldn't come back down. I squeezed my hands together, and was able to feel the slickness of sweat building. I was scared. Xander made me nervous. Good or bad? I have no idea. Right now it felt bad. Really bad. What if he expected all those things from me. What if he didn't give me a choice. He would never do that though. Right?

I walked through the living room, dining room, and living room with no luck. I caught sight of a maid going to my room with my dinner.

"Excuse me" I said from behind the maid causing her to jump a little. She was a petite older lady. Long gray hair tied back with a ponytail, and the kindest smile I had ever seen. It made my heart warm looking at her. 

"Oh my miss, I had no idea you had come down. Would you like me to set you up in the dining room?" 

"Oh no thank you, I was wondering if you could tell me were Xander is at the moment? I need to talk to him." I asked.

"Oh he's in the guest room, down the hall from your room. Been hold up there all day. Won't let anyone in. I'm starting to get a little concerned actually. I don't think he's eaten all day poor thing." she said concern covering her face. 

"Why don't I take this tray up to him and see if he'll listen to me then." I said mirroring her concern.

"But miss this is your dinner, I could make something else."