Somebody to You

Chapter 15

I didn't want to think about what I had done. The words that had passed between us.  I couldn't do it. I could't think about it. I'm always afraid. Always. What am I supposed to do? The things he said to me. It was perfect. It made me feel things I don't want to feel. I don't know if I can do this.How am I supposed to? I've never done it before. How am I supposed to know now. I can't. I can't. I can't. I barely know him, but there's something. When he says those things to me. I forget. I know that I will never amount to anything. I always have. Going to die alone, beaten to death by my own father. That's what I always thought would happen. Cause that's what I deserve. That's why when I wake up in the night in his arms I don't hesitate. I get up, and I get out. I don't think twice about what I do as I leave his safety. If I was thinking, I wouldn't have left in the first place. 

I go to my room, and I lock the door. He promised me everything. A choice. The one thing I don't think that I'll ever have. He doesn't even know the things he promised me. Doesn't know what they really mean. He assumes that  I hurt myself so that I can love myself. When really I do it cause I don't deserve to love myself. I really don't. Even though he did all the right things, nothings is okay. 

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I know my father is home the next morning when I wake up to a maid knocking on the door. 

"Miss, your father wishes to see you for breakfast." she says from the other side of the door. 

I don't bother responding, and get up from my bed to throw on a pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt. My father will certainly not approve, but I guess that's the point. I don't think I could ever leave this house, the only way that could happen is my father. He could never let me be happy. 

I walk down the stairs and enter the kitchen to see my father, Xander, and Mr. Star all sitting at the table. Surrounding them is cameras. I look down at my dirty shirt and shorts once more, and back at the table. I am in so much trouble. The cameras are instantly on me and I feel myself go speechless. 

"Father." the only word that can leave my mouth.

He says nothing to me. He simply looks away, disgusted with my appearance. I know I wanted his attention, but not publicly. I knew the punishment for this would be severe, but I found myself concerned with the fact that Xander wouldn't stop looking a me. I knew something had changed between us last night, and the look in his eyes right told me he was remembering every moment of my embarrassing outburst. I saw what looked like understanding, and that terrified me more than my father ever could. I felt the urge to cry.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know we had company. Excuse me." I turned and ran up the stairs. 

I can't even close my door because Xander is only a step behind me.

"Are you okay?" he asked full of concern.

"Of course." I say refusing to make eye contact. I'm nervous. Really nervous. I can't sit still and end up pacing the room.

"When did our fathers get here?" I ask in a rush.

"About an hour ago, I didn't know about the cameras or I would've warned you I'm sorry."

"It's okay it's not the cameras I'm worried about" I snap in his direction.

"What is it then?"

I hear his concern. So much different from the cold harshness I'm used to. I crack and finally look at him. He's steady, not a hair out of place. He's different though. It's the look of concern written on his face. 

"Stop looking at me like that!" I yell.

"Like what!?" he snaps angry with my harshness

"Like you give a fuck! I liked it better when you hated me. Can't you do that again? Please, cause I can't do this nice, understanding, concerned Xander. I don't like it. I don't deserve it, so save it for someone else! Hate me!"

I'm breathing heavily from my sudden outburst. I look up only to see fury in Xander eyes. Before I know it he's coming towards me and has me pinned to the wall with his arms trapping me. His scent instantly surrounds me, and I feel myself leaning towards him. He leans his head down, and he grazes his mouth on my jaw.He traces small kisses all the way back towards my ear. I hear myself involuntary moan at the pleasure it causes.

"Don't you understand princess?" he whispers harshly in my ear as he grips my waist. "I can't hate you. I've tried so hard, but every time I think I can go without you, you do something to drag me in again. You drive me absolutely insane. Everything about you makes me loose control." 

I feel my heart beat accelerate in my chest. Xander then slowly starts to place open mouthed kisses down my neck. My back instantly arches craving to be closer to his body. I feel him chuckle then suddenly he starts biting down on my neck and sucking in the spot right below my ear. 

"Xander!" I moan out loudly.

He pulls away and whispers to my ear again "Do you know how many nights I have fallen asleep to the thought of you moaning my name." 

I clench my thighs at the statement. 

Xander then slowly steps away from me. Watching the whole time.

"What was that?" I ask out of breath from my place leaning against the wall. 

"Exactly what is was Ali."

"That doesn't make any sense. You hated me."

"I know I did."

Confusion racks my brain. I feel a pounding headache start to rise. I grab my head and slide to the floor.

"Stop it!" I yell at him

I feel him sitting next to me. "What's wrong Ali. Why is it so hard to believe I don't totally hate you?"

"Cause you can't!"

"Why not!"

I look up and meet his eyes. 

"Cause no one can"