with whiskey on our breath

xxx| WHISKEY ON MY BREATH

you finally called me the next day
and i had to pry the words right out of your mouth
at first i hoped you'd come out and tell me

however,

when i asked how things were going you
said, "babe we're okay"

after the month of exchanged words
and affection in the sheets how could you
so easily break our my trust?

you knew how i felt, that i didn't want to
waste each other's time
(shit, i even tried to give you a way out
but you shut me up with a kiss and said
you were here to stick around)

if i didn't pry it out of you,
would you have even told me in the first place?

i knew the words were coming
yet it still stung me to the core when you
sighed and finally admitted,
"yes i met someone else"

you said you didn't know how you felt
but the connection with her was
different –

how could you so easily shut me out?

you still really liked me and thought
i was 'awesome' and wanted me to stick around

how could you tell me you saw yourself
falling in love with me and me being the
one?

when all you wanted was to experiment
with her until you realized who you wanted

but i told you the truth, no matter how much
it broke my own heart,
if you wanted a future with me, wanted me
in the first place, you wouldn't have
found interest in another –

i am not a choice.

you shouldn't have had to even think
whether it was me you wanted over
someone who recently caught your attention

you wanted to have your cake and eat it too
and no matter how much i wanted to even
stick around to see if you'd come back my way
i valued my self-worth and knew you
weren't a man worth having me stay

i told you not to bother,
that this was the end of you and i
and all you could do was apologize
over and over and sigh

that weekend i drank out of my wits
only for you to call me pissed that i
was drinking whiskey straight
without your name on my lips

i told you – you lost the right
and didn't need to check in on me
you no longer had to care,
yet you still wanted to see how i was
doing as if you milked the fact
i was helpless and miserable without
you

sure i was, but i would be damned if
let my pride down and gave you power
as easily as you knocked down my walls
i quickly built them back up

i refuse to acknowledge the fact
i am still an absolute mess without you
in my life

that i can't watch californication or
any of our shows without your face popping in my head or how the songs you said remind you
of me and me of you are like nails to a chalkboard

you'll never know that you're still the
first person i want to call when something goes wrong or is absolutely right

you'll never know i'm drunk daily just to
get you off my mind –
your advice to me sucked,
there's no way i could get you off my mind
by fucking someone else to get you out
of my system

(i wont ever admit out loud that i called
another guy your name while i came
not just once but twice)

i wont ever acknowledge the fact
you did a number on me, that when you left
you took everything about me that i had left

i let
you ruin me

and as much as i can say my cliché:
"i was okay before him, i'll be okay after him"
i actually am terrified the woman i was before
you is no longer left

you can continue to call, continue to text
i'll ignore your snaps and get drunk off my ass
throw myself at the next guy when you're just
the table over with her on your hip

you'll see right through my façade
but that's okay because no matter how
much you said you cared, still care –

you'll turn the other cheek and run
your tongue along her lips

i know what i need to get to do,
where i need to be but it's so hard to do
when i just can't forget about you

it's a process, that i know
and now it is actually time for me to let you go
and with a finger in the air to you and what we
could have been, a delete of all our photos and your texts, this is actually the end

it's
time for me to be happy for myself and not
the sake of you

this will be the last time
i write about you since you're no longer my muse

because all i'm left
is with the burning memory of you
and straight whiskey on my breath

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Don't worry, this may seem like the end. But this story isn't over yet ;-) stay tuned.