with whiskey on our breath

bonus| UNFAITHFULLY YOURS

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
As you guys have known, a month ago I participated in the #ToAllTheBoysContest, where I had to write a letter to a crush, etc. Due to the contest regulations, the letter had to be short, thus making me condense the whole piece of work tremendously.

Now that the contest is over, I want to share with you the original and full version of my one-shot, Unfaithfully Yours. Especially considering unfaithfully yours, was written about this man the whole entire time. Some of you picked up on the relation between both of the stories and now that the contest is over I can finally announce the ties between both and release the extended letter. Enjoy x
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

We were a cliché. The two of us upon meeting meant to be just one night stand turned hopeless romantics, smitten with each other's adoration and affection. Maybe it was love at first sight, soulmates finally connecting as one constellation, or maybe just maybe, we rushed what we hoped – anticipated – to be love ourselves.

Your eyes burned through my entire being as if every time you laid eyes on me, you were seeing the true me for the first time. You saw through my exterior, wiggling your way through the cracks to see what was hidden in the crevices. Your fingers graced me as if I was pure delicacy, your lips adorning me in ways that will forever be tattooed on my skin. The kind of tattoos that I'll maybe one day regret but nonetheless smile, because at one point they filled me with pure bliss and utter happiness that I once lacked in life.

It absolutely terrified me how easily you were able to knock down the tower of rocks around my heart – only for you to build it back up from the rubble with you nestled deep inside with your hands clenched around my heart. Days felt like years; almost as if we both had known each other our whole entire lives, growing up dunking our peanut butter covered oreo's in milk and munching on cold leftovers during late hours while we sat on the porch spilling our most daring secrets – one's we swore we'd take to our own grave, never telling a soul; the both of us feeling as if the other were special enough to be vulnerable with without question or hesitation. We smothered the other in our sins and past lives, our demons playing off the other. We were great together, keeping each other at bay – accepting us all – flaws and all.

You gave me a happiness I didn't know I needed. You were the one. Or that's what I imagined.

When you ended it with me, I half expected – wished for us to have our Californication moment. For you to admit, that you were in fact still in your Hank Moody stage but had finally found your Karen – that being me. With your voice in my head, you said that I was the one but you didn't know how to be with me right now and that if we weren't, you'd get lose in the world and maybe one day, our paths will align once more and bring us back to the other.

I desperately wanted to be the woman you would spend the rest of your life with. I took your words, your promises of loving me and vision of seeing yourself waiting at the end of the alter for me too literal. You toyed off the idea of having love once more and I toyed on the idea of loving you till death.

But here you are, with her; and here I am, just me. You were out of that stage, but it wasn't for me.

A meteor hit and what we had burned to rubble. As fast as we began, the sooner we ended. I should have left you as nothing but a one night stand but something told me to stay and make you mine. If only I went with the latter, going with my gut instead of my head. Sure, you apologized over and over and swore you'd forever genuinely care but rather than fighting for myself and my own true feelings I hit end call – that was that.

What I failed to say was I absolutely hate you for making me feel as stupid for believing we could have been each other's forever, how you wasted my time and spoke sweet nothings into my ear. Hate you for denying and lying when I asked you to be honest.

I hate that every fiber in my being wants to hate you, for karma to come your way, and hope that she will not be as understanding as I; but in reality, I really can't. I don't hate you at all, no matter how much I stated – my one regret being I genuinely love you when it's now already too late. Maybe one day you'll know but for now, I'll just let you go.