misinterpreted; jg

26

Olivia's POV

We got back from Aspen a few weeks ago, nothing exciting has happened except for the bitchy run ins with Madison, or the awkward glances towards Derek. 

Jack and I lay in my bed cuddling and watching Gossip Girl. He secretly likes it, but he just won't admit it. His head lays in the crook of my neck, his stubble slightly poking at my skin. I run my hair through his hair, as he rubs small circles around my stomach. 

I finally got my period, after the miscarriage and the cramps have been through the roof. Sometimes in the middle of the night I think what he or she would've looked like. If they would have Jack's eyes or mine, his lips or mine, and his eyebrows or mine. I wonder if they would have Jack's crazy personality, or mine. 

I think about the names I would've named she or he. I think about all of these things in the middle of the night, and end up crying to myself quietly. Jack has no idea about them, I'm surprised he hasn't woken up in the middle of the night from the sound of my crying. 

"baby" Jack says. 

"hmm?" I respond.

"what are you thinking about." his voice muffled by his lips being next to my neck. 

"nothing." I lie. 

"you're thinking about the baby aren't you?" he says quietly.

I say nothing, but nod letting a tear slip out. I lift my hand up and quickly wipe it away. He lifts his head, sitting up slightly. He brings his hands up to my face and cradles my head. "baby, it's gonna be okay. You'll have many other chances to have them okay?" 

"you don't want them though." I say, "we're only 18, i'm not thinking about having a baby anytime soon." 

He sighs, "I know." 

I just stay silent, staring blankly at the TV, fumbling with the edges of the blanket. 

Jack moves his hand on top of mine, "I'm sorry for bringing it up. It hurts me just as much." 

"but it doesn't!" I yell, my eyes widening. 

"You really think it doesn't hurt me Olivia? Really? That was our child, that died. My DNA was in her!" His voice raises. 

"You didn't even know I was pregnant." I say. 

"That's because you didn't fucking tell me!" He shouts and I flinch. He stands up abruptly and runs his hands through his messy hair and rubs them down his face. "God Olivia, I have feelings too you know. That was my child too." 

"You weren't carrying him, you weren't dealing with the anxiety, stress, and symptoms of it!" I shout back. 

"That doesn't mean shit! That would've been my daughter. I would have protected her with every part of my body." He continues to shout. 

"Did you say daughter?" I ask calmly. 

"Yeah? So what? It wasn't going to be a boy." He responds in a monotone voice. 

"Uhm, I think it would've been a boy. I wanted a little Jack Gilinsky." I whisper the last part looking down at the blanket, smiling a little at the thought. 

"I wanted a little Olivia Gray, well, Gilinsky." He smiles a little, walking back towards the bed and sitting next to me. 

"We shouldn't even be talking about this at our age." I laugh a little, sniffling because I started crying. Like the sensitive bitch I am. 

"We need to though, it's an important thing in our lives right now. We're gonna be grieving about this for a while. It'll get better, I promise." Jack looks into my eyes deeply.