Back and Forth | A Mike Wheeler Fanfiction

Inner Demons

A/N 

TRIGGER WARNING

Suicide and self harm is mentioned in this chapter. If this triggers you I suggest that you don't read. You have been warned. 

Y/N POV

I watched as Mike started to process what I had just said. At first he just looked confused. And then, it started to sink in. 

"Wait, what? You can't be going away. You can't be." He took one huge step towards me and embraced me in a giant hug. 

"Mike-" I couldn't breathe. He kissed the top of my head and bent his head lower so he could whisper into my ear. 

"I'm sorry. I just had to do that. I had to make myself feel better somehow." He let me go, and I took a deep breath, sucking in the crisp fall air. Dustin walked over to me. 

"You're leaving? Why didn't you tell anyone?" He pulled me into a hug. "When? Where? Why?" I smiled at Dustin after he let me go. 

"I'm leaving in 6 months. My mom got a job up in Derry, Maine. I know it's super far, but I can still visit you guys. My mom said that whenever we have a free weekend, we can come back down here." I tried to reassure them. "Don't worry, it won't change anything." I looked away, knowing that this was a lie. 

"Won't change anything? Of course it will!" Mike was starting to get angry. He put his hands on his hips and rolled his eyes. I could tell that he hadn't been expecting anything like this. None of them had. 

"Mike, calm down. At least we still have six months." I took his hand in mine and tried to interlock our fingers, but before I could, Mike was pulling away. "Mike?" I watched as he turned away from me. 

"I can't lose you, Y/n. I've been an idiot this whole time. I should have been with you from the beginning. Now that I've actually told you how I feel, you tell me that you're leaving? That we only have 6 more months together? What the hell is happening!" Mike threw his hands up in the air and started to walk away. 

"Mike, wait!" I ran towards him and grabbed his hand, spinning him around to face me. I could tell that he was about to cry. "It's okay, Mike. Really." I hugged him and he started to cry into my shoulder. I knew that this wasn't good. I knew that I should be distancing myself from him, to try and make it easier when I had to go, but I couldn't. I loved this boy to much for too long. 

"Y/n, I'm so sorry." I heard Mike whisper. I was the only one who heard it. I squeezed him tighter.

"Mike, you have nothing to be sorry for." I could tell that this was only making him cry more. It made me feel terrible. 

"Will you please forgive me?" I took a deep breath as he hugged me closer to him. 

"There's nothing to forgive." I took my head off his chest and looked into his chocolate brown eyes. He smiled at me and I kissed him on the cheek. He interlocked our fingers, and we walked back to class.

Eleven POV

Sobs made my whole body shake as I screamed into the trees. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing. I had lost Mike. The one person who I loved the most. The one person who I had thought would never leave me, was gone. 

Hot tears streamed down my face as I fell to the ground. I lay there, trying to calm myself down. How was I ever going to get better? 

"Eleven! El! El, where are you?" I could hear Max calling me off in the distance. I held my breath, hoping she wouldn't see me. Hoping that she would let me die out here. I didn't want to live in a world where me and Mike weren't together. 

Today was not my lucky day. Max found me lying there, and I could tell that she was really angry at Mike and Y/n. 

"Max, it's okay. You shouldn't be mad at them." I wiped my nose, trying to clean myself up so she wouldn't see me like this. 

"You're right. I shouldn't be mad at them. You should be." I could sense the anger burning in her throat, and I realized that she was right. "No offense, El, but I never liked Mike. He always made me feel anxious and stupid. I like Y/n, but you can't just go around stealing your best friend's man. That isn't right." I smiled at her rant, but shook my head. 

"No. It isn't Y/n's fault. She did't want any of this to happen. I can tell." I wiped away more tears that had started to fall down my face. 

"Okay. Fine. Think what you want. But aren't you mad at Mike? I mean, he told you he loved you. You gave him your heart, and he threw it away. Aren't you angry?" I could feel the anger in my stomach start to rise. It was almost like a guttural feeling. Mike had left me. He had betrayed me. How could he do this?

"Yeah. I hate him." I said quickly. I knew that this wasn't true. I knew that I could never hate Mike. He was my first love. But, at the same time, I did hate him. I hated him for picking Y/n over me. I hated him for making me fall in love with him, when really he was in love with Y/n all along. 

I looked up at Max. She had been pacing. I could feel tears start to sting my eyes as she sat down next to me. Mike had always paced when he was anxious or angry. 

"Same here. I hate what he did to you. I can't believe he did that." Max spoke softly. I couldn't take this anymore. I couldn't take hearing about Mike. It was too painful. I stood up and started to walk away. I wanted to die. I didn't want to stay here anymore. 

"El? Where are you going?" I could hear her walking towards me on the crunchy leaves and I began to cry. I was going to miss Max. I started to run. I ran as fast as I could, but I could hear Max behind me. I stopped and turned around to face her. 

"Max, I'm sorry. Truly, I am. I know that you'll try to stop me, but I can't let you. I'm sorry." I raised my hand and began to lift Max off the ground. 

"El, what are yo- Hey! Stop! What are you doing?!" I kept lifting her up, and I could feel a small trickle of blood start to drip from my nose. 

"Goodbye, Max." I lifted her so that she was high in a tree. It wasn't very high, and I knew that she could jump, but she wouldn't be able to catch me. She wouldn't be able to stop me. I ran as fast as I could towards the cabin, and let Max's calls for help fade into the distance. 

Luckily, she didn't know where the cabin was. Even if she did, she wouldn't be able to get there in time to stop me. I was going to die. I was going to leave, so I never had to feel pain ever again. I never had to make Mike feel pain. He wouldn't have to deal with me ever again. No one would. 

Max POV

I tried to climb down, but I couldn't. I had to stop El. I knew what she was planning. I couldn't just let her die. 

Eventually, I jumped down and ran after her. I screamed for El, but no response came. Then, I heard my intercom go off. 

"Max, where are you? Are you and El okay?" Lucas asked. I started to cry, knowing that I wouldn't be able to save her. 

"Lucas, El ran away. I couldn't stop her. I think she's going to kill herself." 

A/N 

Oh god. I can't believe I just wrote this. It got super dark real quick.