interdependence ➸ 5sos

1.1

Ashton is trying so hard to be patient with Aspyn, but he's tired and really just wants to go home, but they still have things to get at the store. "Aspyn, sweetie," he pleads, "if you're going to ride in the cart, then you have to sit down." He gently pushes down on is daughter's shoulders, and she sits down.
Aspyn sighs, looking around the aisles of Target. "Daddy," she says, tugging on his hand. He's trying to decide between Apple Jacks and Lucky Charms, but Aspyn's eyes are trained on a woman and her daughter.

Ashton turns around, looking down at his daughter. He follows her gaze to the mother and daughter. "Yes, princess?" He gulps, already knowing what's coming next.

"Where's Mommy?" Her wide eyes look back up at him. She looks so much like her that he almost falls over. Ashton really isn't ready to explain the concept of death to his six year old in the middle of a Target.

"We can, uh, talk about it later. Okay?" He tries to smile, and then ruffles her hair.

"Do I have a mommy? Because Cassie doesn't have a mommy, and Alex's mommy just doesn't live with them. Kenny has a mommy. Do I have a mommy?" There's so much innocence in her voice, andAshton feels like he could cry.

He hands the Lucky Charms to her. "Yeah, you have a mommy, sweetheart. We'll talk about it later."

-

"Hey, Daddy? Is it later yet?" Aspyn asks, sitting on the couch next to her dad.

Ashton lifts the little girl into his lap, pressing his lips to her forehead. "I suppose." He knows that he can't avoid the question forever, although he'd like to.

"Are you going to cry? Like the day we dressed in all those dark colors and you hugged Uncle Luke a lot? Because I don't like it when you cry. Please try not to cry."

Of course, Aspyn's words alone are making Ashton want to cry. He nods. "Aspyn, do you ever remember hearing about car crashes? When you watch the news with me?" He tucks a piece of her fair, blonde hair behind her ear.

"Yeah! One car hits another, and they blow up." She makes the motions with her hands.

"Sometimes." Ashton takes a deep breath. "Well, sometiimes, when people get in car crashes, they gey hurt. Like when you fall and scrape your knee or elbow, but worse."
"Like breaking their arm? Hudson broke his arm once."
"Yeah." He rubs her back, like he's trying to soften the blow of what hes about to tell her. "And sometimes people get hurt worse than breaking their arm. Sometimes, they hit their head really hard and go into this deep sleep that's really hard to wake up from. And sometimes, they don't wake up. And sometimes, they don't go into this sleep at all." Aspyn looks up at her dad, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Aspyn, honey, Mommy was in a car crash, a bad one. She got hurt worse than a broken arm."
"Did she go into the deep sleep?"

Ashton shakes his head yes. "For a little bit."

"Then what?"

"Mommy didn't wake up. She went to Heaven, to be with God." He keeps rubbing her back, hoping that she doesn't freak out.

"So, Mommy's not coming home?" she asks, grabbing his hand that isn't on her back.

"No, I'm afraid not."

"Oh," she says quietly. "Alex said that when his mommy and Uncle Mikey would fight, sometimes she would go away for a little bit. I thought that Mommy was just going away for a little while," she tells him very quickly.

"I"m sorry, sweetie."

"Is that why you were crying that one day? Because Mommy is with God now?" she asks him.