Better Left Unsaid

change

I will never know what you are thinking right now. Even if you tell me, you could be lying to me. I can't read your mind. I probably wouldn't wanna know the things you think of me because there's a good chance I think of myself the same way.

I am a hoe. Bitch. Fake. Ugly. Stupid. Not gonna do anything with her life. Promise breaker. Whore. All these things I know and I can guarentee that that's what you are thinking of me in this exact moment. It's ok. I know. If I could make a change in myself I would have a long damn time ago, but I just can't. It's hard to when everyone has already made their mind up of me. What's the point in changing when I know I won't change your mind.

Don't tell me the things I already know. It hurts too much to hear it, because I know these things. It sucks, but I am the one who put myself in the postion I am in right now. Not you. Not him. Not my family. Not the fuckboys. I am the one who fucked up and I am paying for it now.

I can't begin to explain all the ways I have tried to put forth the effort to change people's mind of me.

I want to be a better person. I want to be great in school. I want to make my family proud. I want to do great things. All these things are wants. I can't do what I want because I don't fucking know how.