Better Left Unsaid

ok

I've turned out to be the person I never wanted to be. Hitting the bongo every once in a while. Sneaking out. Going to parties. Fucking with guys in their cars before school starts just so they can go tell their friends. Believing all the promises you made me. Just so you can break my heart again.

Let me tell you a little short backstory.

There's this guy and he truly has and always will have my heart I will go back to him all the time over and over again. He tells me that he has changed and he will put in effort and he never does, but I believe him because its easier to believe lies than it is the truth. I don't wanna know that he hasnt changed when I know for a fact he hasn't. It's ok because at this point my expectations will always remain low because everyone leaves. This time it truly was different. He texted me all the time. He told me all the reasons he loved me. He really meant the things he was telling me now. Well today I got a text from him in 2nd block.

"I don't wanna be with you. I don't want you. period point blank. I'm done with you." Those were the words he told me and my heartbroke to tiny peices even more than they already were. He has never told me that before. He'd always say I need to focus on other things or I need a break. He never was that harsh with me. In that moment I knew it's over. For good this time.

I have never been this lost before. When he called it off with me I started crying and I texted one of my closest friends and told her what happened. She came down to my class and I went out there to her and said " I really believed him and he is done with me. " she looked me dead in the eyes and said "Kaylee he doesn't love you. He never has. The way he treats you isn't love. He wouldn't put his hands on you if he loved you. He wouldn't leave you every week if he loved you. You just want him too because of the past you guys have. You always go back to what feels normal to you because you are scared of whats unknown. He isn't healthy for you. It's time to move on."

In a way she is right. In another she isn't. I don't want to move on because I have so much love for him in my heart, but I do need to do what's right for me. I will. One of these days I will find someone that truly has something for me. It will come in time. I will be ok.