Crosses and Cages

Round Three of Mistakes

My mind is numb and I barely hear Ayna when she tells me about her latest endeavors that she had to face at school today. I told her that she could come over whenever she wanted to see Sky, and even with that free reign she comes to see him a couple times a month at the most. I hate that she does this to him because I know that all he wants is for her to be the mom everyone else gets, but sadly he is the son of a devil woman who finds her happiness in the beds of other men, and a father who craves love that can't be found in this shit world.

I hear scattered words like 'doctor', 'due date', and 'you will be there right', and I nod when I need to and look at her when it matters, but the fact of my matter is, I don't care anymore. I can't win with this women and she was right, I want...no I need love and she is the only one that gives it to me. Therefore I am left here in this toxic relationship trying to find ways to cover the sting of constant let downs and betrayal.

I use the excuse of getting another beer from the fridge in order to get away from the talking, even if it's just for a little while.

"Daddy?" I look down to see Sky reaching up at me and the cabinet above us.

"Yes Sky?"

He looks at me with sad eyes that crush my heart, "Is there anything I can have as a snack?"

Ruffing up his hair I smile down at him, but choose not to answer in case I can't find anything. I'm always low on food for us, and it hurts me every time I see him in pain because of it. Turning around I open the cabinet and dig around in plastic and paper until I find half a pack of goldfish and smile to myself before handing it down to Sky. "There you go buddy. Do you want to go Burger King tonight for dinner?" I have to have money hidden away somewhere in this house for us to go out with.

Taking the fish from me his eyes light up and before I know it Sky is bouncing up and down with excitement, "BURGER KING, BURGER KING!"

I laugh at him and open the sliding door to the backyard for him to go and enjoy his fish and bath in the sun. As soon as he is out the door though my laughter stops because I know that he holds onto these moments, seeing perfection in each and every moment, and yet I'll look back at it and see every flaw, and every struggle that I went through in order to make it happen. And the moment won't be white anymore, it will be gray.