Crosses and Cages

It's a Bad Habit

"The bike is looking better than ever Sky."

"Thanks dad, I'm glad you think so. I don't have enough parts to fix it though, so I'll have to wait until there is spare money around."

"If you keep doing the good job that you have been doing then maybe we will have enough spare money to take care of it for you."

I'm sitting on the front porch smiling to myself because we are all happy. The sun is setting perfectly and I'm left bewildered as  how amazing and calm this situation is. I know that it won't last. It never does. But because it never does I have to absorb all of the good times that I can, because if it wasn't for those would I have anything to live for?

Three Days Later:

The front door slams so hard it shakes the whole house. Once again, fear takes over my whole body, the scary thing is though, there are no footsteps on the stairs. There isn't another door that slams shut in the house. This isn't normal. My body isn't in any pain, there is no yelling between Sky and our father. What could be going on? That was without a doubt, an angry door slam, so why is there no noise?

Picking up my raggedy Ann doll I head down the stairs to try to find my dad. He isn't in his room, he isn't in the kitchen, the bathroom door is open, and he wasn't in our room. Outside? I slowly slide the door open and take a peak outside. Sure enough he is there smoking his cigarette and taking hits so large his eyes dilate.

I take a brave step outside and turn towards the calm before the storm, "Do you need anything father?"

He takes another long puff before looking over at me, "No Idu, I don't need anything other than a long drag and a bottle of whiskey."

I nod and start to head back into the house when he calls after me, "Hey Idu, can you come help me real quick."

Wanting to please him I turn around and head back to the back porch. His cigarette is low and his eyes are faded over. He waves me over with his hand and grabs my wrist. "Do you see an ashtray anywhere around here Idu?"

I look around before shaking my head, "No father. I can go get you one if you would like."

"Where would you get it from child?" I can smell a mix of whiskey and vodka coming from his words.

"From the front porch."

"That will take too long, I need another puff before then Idu."

Before I know what is happening there is a searing pain by my left pointer finger. I am overwhelmed by pain, the smell of heated flesh, and cigarette smoke. The burn is deep enough that blood forms around the ring of the burn, but I hold in my tears, because father can't see me as weak.

Finally he lets go and frowns at me, "I'm sorry Idu, I hope you understand."

I smile back at him and shrug before trying to keep composed as I walk to the front porch, grab an ashtray, take it back to him, and he pulls me into a half hug.

"Thanks Idu." He mumbles before taking another puff of his cigarette.

I smile back at him before running up to the upstairs bathroom and tears poor down my face as the cold water sears my skin and little bits of cigarette ash falls down the drain.