life goes on

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I go through the same routine I do with father also with Jake.By the time he's walking out of my room i'm asleep.life goes on , my father during the day Jake at night,it disgusts me to the core ,I take at least 3 showers every time after just to shake the disgusting feelings I get .This can't be happening to me I repeat to myself ,I keep hoping that this is some crazy nightmare that i'll wake up to in the morning to my life how it used to be.But my mind always comes back to reality and i can't take it I have to do something to relieve the pain.I take out one of my blades from my jewelry box.I cut my wrist my upper thighs ,my stomach ,I do it all to ease the pain all the emotions all the darkness within me . I let all of it seep through my cuts.Sometimes i get so sad , so sad that I completely shut down.I stare blankly at the wall,and it doesn't matter what anyone would say to me right now because in that moment I felt as if I didn't exsist.

picture of Beverly on the side ----->>

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