Believer ~Jean x Reader AU~

Chapter 4: Birds

I stared down at the little pack of pills, my eyes soaking them in. So, this is birth control, eh? I brought the package closer to my eyes. These are my peace of mind now? I sighed haggardly and shoved the pills into my bag, marching away from Dr. Tisdale's office.

To be honest, I still wasn't overly enthusiastic about having to take such measures, but I knew it was for the best. After I had allowed all my stress and anguish to consume me that night, I had lost all bearings of myself. My judgment became clouded and I had rashly acted without care. In one way or another, I had found myself in bed with Kellen.

I clenched my jaw at the thought of him. I had been such an idiot. I squeezed my eyes closed quickly before opening them. Why? Why did I say that to him? My mind flashed back to my run in with Kellen the day prior...to how I carelessly blurted I wasn't pregnant as if that had been some great concern of his. I doubted he even thought twice about that. In fact, I believed he never once even thought about that possibility. But, stupid me went and chucked that revelation at him anyway.

Smooth move, stupid. I snorted internally. Pretty sure he thinks I'm a freak. Wouldn't blame him if he does. I shuffled on, the soles of my boots knocking against the pavement, the cool breeze blowing through my loose hair. It was late in the afternoon but still nowhere near sunset, so I wasn't in a hurry. In fact, I didn't really feel like going back to campus just then. I knew all I'd do was lock myself in my room and either draw or watch TV. That was just what I did, and I didn't feel like doing that.

That said, I wasn't quite sure what it was I wanted to do. I didn't want to go to the café out of fear of running into people from MRU and I had no reason to go shopping, so Mrs. Rail's store was out. Wasn't in the mood for food, didn't feel like wandering campus, and I sure as hell wasn't going to any gatherings. That left me with one choice. The Trost Public Park. It wasn't a far walk and was most likely desolate due to the fact it was still winter. So, the park it was.

I began for that direction, passing the occasional fellow walker, never once giving them any reason to believe I was in the mood for small talk. I just kept to myself and went on my way until I finally reached the park. As expected, there was almost no one there. I only spotted a single couple in the distance walking their dog, but that was it. Besides them and their hound, there was no one else.

I meandered over to an empty bench and claimed it as my own. As expected, the frigid gale blew, its icy fingers clawing at me as it hitched my breath. Honestly, I was growing quite tired of the winter season. I hadn't minded it at first, but after a while it wore down on me. I missed being comfortable in ripped up jeans and a baggy t-shirt. I also missed not almost freezing whenever I was outside. I didn't need summer in particular. Spring was more than enough for me. That was all I wanted.

I breathed out another hardy sigh and sat back, tucking my hands in my pockets. The sun's warm brassy hues were much appreciated as they fought their best to warm me, though their touch wasn't strong enough to fully defeat the breeze. Still, some sort of warmth was better than none. At that, I merely gazed up, watching as a few birds that stayed year-round took flight. I observed as they flapped their wings, their bodies soaring smoothly through the bitter wind. They moved so elegantly that I found myself envying them. They could go where they wanted with no need to explain their reasonings to anyone. They were free while I was...a prisoner to herself.

"Y/N?" someone asked, pulling me back to that moment.

I tore my gaze from the sky and glanced up, a wave of surprise washing over me. The person at my side was one of the last people I ever expected to run into that far away from campus. A seemingly kind, yet familiar boy with sloppy brunette locks and warm gray eyes met my stare. Eren Jaeger.

"Eren? Hey. What...what are you doing here?" I asked, knitting my brows in confusion.

He shrugged, "Was going for a walk when I saw you." He lifted a hand and pointed at the spot next to me, adding, "Mind if I join ya?"

I blinked before shaking my head. "N-no. I don't mind."

I moved over a tad to make more room for him and he claimed his seat next to me. There was a certain silence that followed, the awkwardness of it more than a little noticeable to me. Unlike with someone else I knew, I did not find the silence comforting with Eren. I already felt like I needed to force some sort of conversation just to chase the tension away. But, it appeared Eren was ahead of me on that.

"So, what are you doing here all by yourself?" he asked, bringing those steel orbs to me.

I chewed on my bottom lip before shrugging, "I, uh...I needed some air."

He scanned me quickly before swallowing and nodding, "Yeah...same here. Campus has felt...stagnant...stagnant and almost stale."

I observed the boy beside me closely. Over the course of time we spent in class, I had grown to know him as being a rather outgoing fellow with a bright smile and even brighter eyes. But any traces of light he once held was gone. His once brilliant eyes now appeared dull and clouded by sorrow. Nothing of the Eren I had met before remained. He was now nothing but a hollow shell. That was it.

I gathered my thoughts and pressed, "Is...is it because of Marianne? Were you two close?"

He breathed in a haggard breath and sighed, "Yeah. I guess you could say that." He balled his hands into fists. "It's just...campus hasn't been the same without her. I mean, she was always over at the ADA House. All the guys saw her as a little sister. Well, most of us did, anyway." He dropped his gaze down and huffed, "It's just...it's been quiet without her."

I smiled softly, "Yeah. I could see that. I mean, I never knew Marianne, but based off what everyone said at her memorial, I could tell she meant a lot to folks." I lifted my gape to the sky and continued, "It sucks, but that's how life works. We're born, we live, and we die. When our time comes, it comes. There's no stopping it. Same for Marianne. She was young, but it was her time. Her chapter in the book of life came to a close." I tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and turned to face him, smiling, "But she left behind her mark in all her friends and family's memories. Now, it's up to you all to remember her how she was; herself."

He stared back at me, a sense of comfort washing over him. The hollowness of his eyes lessened, some of the light returning to them. His posture shifted, a sense of confidence becoming visible in his mannerisms.

He balled his hand into a fist and smiled, "Ya know? You're right! As her friend, I need to be reminding people how amazing she was instead of mourning what she became." He beamed, "Thanks, Y/N. I needed that."

I chuckled lightly, "No problem. Glad I could help."

He rose to his feet and announced, "Well, I should be getting back to the house." He paused, glimpsing down at me and asked, "Oh. Would you like me to walk you back?"

I shook my head and faked a smile. "Thanks, but no. I wanted to hang here a little bit longer."

He scanned me quickly before nodding, "Okay. I'll see ya in class, then."

"Bye," I said softly as he waved.

I watched him walk away, his silhouette growing smaller with each step he took until he was completely out of view. An icy breeze blew, causing me to return my gaze to the welkin overhead. The birds I had been watching were gone. Nothing but the blue sky grinned back at me, the emptiness of it overwhelming. Even with the clouds dotted across its magnificence, I could not overlook how barren it was. The birds...I wonder where they go.

**Ello my sweet lovelies. I've been listening to ONE OK ROCK the whole time I typed this chapter so I felt sooooo many emotions lol. But I can't help it! They're just so good! Anyway, enough of that. I hope y'all enjoyed this little installment. Thank you sooo, soooo, sooooo much for everything! Y'all are the bestest! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross