Believer ~Jean x Reader AU~

Chapter 1: Relief Washes

People say that you should live each moment as if it were your last...as if you wouldn't get another. They say we should take each day by the horns and ride that bull into the next, taking full advantage of every opportunity. We're told to waste no time on dwelling and to live with no regrets...but is that possible? Can one truly live a life with no regrets? Is that obtainable?

Because in my experience...it wasn't.

No matter how much I tried to adopt that mindset of living a fulfilling and satisfying lifestyle, I just couldn't do it. Even with all my might fighting against it, there was always something I wished I had done or handled differently. I could never just be content with how things were left. Something always ate at me and that time was no different.

I sat in my dorm room, staring out the window as the rain fell that dreary Sunday afternoon. March was right around the corner, meaning spring was close. Rain would surely become more of a sight to see instead of the white snow which once laid dusted across the landscape which had melted away. Instead of looking out my wind to see the beauty of icy crystals glimmering in the luminance, I would be greeted by decayed grass that was brown and withered. The beauty of early winter was now replaced by the depressing winter I had known all my life. The winter that was bare of glistening lights and gloomy. That was what I had to look forward to.

I watched as the fat raindrops skated down the glass of my window, their trails zigging and zagging in jagged motions. Honestly, the rain only made me sleepy. I was beyond ready for a nap. But...that could have been because that was all I ever wanted to do anymore. Sleep.

I ran my fingers through my messy locks, the tangles wrapping around my digits as I breathed haggardly, "Come on already. What is taking so long? I should've heard back by now."

Just then, my cellphone rang, prompting me to scramble for it. I grabbed it off my bed and quickly examined the number before sliding it to 'answer' and stammered, "H-hello?"

"Hello. Is this Y/N L/N?" the woman on the other end greeted.

"Yes," I replied. "This is she."

"Hello, Ms. L/N. I'm Brandi and I'm calling from Dr. Tisdale's office about your test results," she continued.

I chewed on my bottom lip. That had been the call I had been waiting for. That had been the single call I had been dreading and anticipating simultaneously for the last three days. I had lost sleep over that call. Then again, I wouldn't have been in that position had I been wiser.

I swallowed, "Yes. A-are they -?"

"Well, first I have a few questions, Ms. L/N," Brandi said warmly.

"R-right," I stuttered.

I was such a nervous mess. I was tripping over my words while trying to prevent my heart from bursting through my chest. Adrenaline pumped through my veins, causing my body to tremble. I was quivering as if I was cold, but the sweat breaking out across my forehead claimed otherwise.

"Okay, Ms. L/N," Brandi pressed. "Says here you last had sexual intercourse about three weeks or so ago on February second. Is that correct or has that changed?"

"That is correct," I nodded.

"Alright. And on February third you used emergency contraception. Is that correct?" she added.

"Yes, ma'am," I answered.

"And that was the pill called Levonie (I made up a random name). Correct?" she asked.

"Yes," I breathed.

I was starting to fret. I was already terrified, but her dragging on like that was driving me insane. All I wanted was my results so that way I could either breath easy or react properly. Besides, I had already answered those questions when I met with Dr. Tisdale a few days prior. None of that had changed.

"Okay, Ms. L/N," Brandi breathed. "Let me pull up your results. Here they are." She paused briefly, most likely reading before she continued, "Okay. Everything looks good. Your test results for STIs came back negative and your bloodwork came back clean as well."

I let out a breath of relief. That was one major concern of mine that had been cleared, but that left one more question. In all honesty, I was far more terrified of those results for some reason. I feared what she'd say, but I needed to know. It was important.

I mustered up all my strength and questioned shakily, "Umm...w-what...what about my...pregnancy test?"

"That also came back negative," Brandi answered matter-of-factly. "If you're worried about this happening again you could always make an appointment with Dr. Tisdale and ask about birth control. I mean, it won't prevent any STIs, but it'll give you a peace of mind about the possibility of getting pregnant."

"Oh. Uh, I...I don't know about that," I swallowed, scratching the back of my head. "This usually doesn't happen. I mean, I normally don't do...that kinda stuff." I lowered my voice into a mousey tone. "Hookup, that is."

I could hear the gentle smile in Brandi's voice as she sighed, "It's up to you, hun. So long as you protect yourself. That's all that matters."

"Right," I agreed.

I was ready to end the call when I recalled how I had been feeling. No, I hadn't been nauseous or moody, but I had been feeling a certain kind of way. It was a way I normally didn't feel. In fact, it was so foreign to me in all.

I quickly cleared my throat. "Oh, uh, Brandi...I'm sorry, but I do have a question."

"Of course. That' s perfectly fine, hun. What's your question?" she asked warmly.

I once again chewed on my lower lip and continued, "If I'm...ya know...not pregnant or anything like that, then why have I been feeling so fatigued lately?"

"That could be due to a number of things," Brandi answered. "A preexisting condition or mental illness, depression, hormonal imbalance, stress, a lack of proper sleep, and so on. If you're concerned, then I recommend scheduling an appointment with your primary physician."

That made sense enough to me. I mean, I had been stressing over the whole idea of having caught some sort of infection or being pregnant after I had stupidly not made him use a condom that night. So, I had been losing sleep to my worries which only made me believe I was potentially pregnant, fueling my anxiety even more. It had been a vicious cycle that could finally end.

"Thank you very much, Brandi," I smiled.

"You're very welcome. Have a nice day," she beamed.

"You too," I replied.

At that, the call ended. Relief washed over me as I squeezed my eyes closed. I flung myself onto my bed, the springs squealing beneath my body's force as my adrenaline came to a halt. My heart rate slowed, and my breathing evened, my reality finally returning to normal.

I brought my eyes to my ceiling, taking in how the dim light washed over it. It wasn't anything incredible, but it was nice to just lay there and stare. I hadn't been that calm for weeks and especially not in the last week. It felt refreshing to be in bliss once more. I missed it. I didn't realize how much I took it for granted until that whole ordeal.

I brought one of my forearms up over my eyes and smiled, "Oh, thank God."

**Bello my lovelies! I hope y'all enjoyed the first chapter of this book. Honestly, I thought this start would be interesting. At least, I thought it was lol. Anyway, thank you so much for reading! I'll hopefully see ya in chapter two! Thank you for everything! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross