Believer ~Jean x Reader AU~

Chapter 24: Vanilla Latte

A week later and I still didn't understand what Jean had been talking about when it came to Kellen. My boyfriend was nothing but perfect when it came to me. He was always with me; making sure to walk me to my classes, going with me whenever I needed to go shopping, and never tried to force himself on me. He was nothing but respectful and proper, so I was confused.

Where was this horrible monster Jean was talking about?

Jean.

Jean Kirstein.

That name...it still...it still made me feel so strange. I couldn't explain it, but that name...his name sent chills darting the length of my spine even with a mere thought of it. It was foolish and ridiculous, but just thinking about him made me...want him...bad. I wanted him so bad.

I shook my head. No. Bad -bad Y/N. I bit my bottom lip. You have a boyfriend and a damn good one at that. My mind flashed to Kellen's face. I imagined that stunning smile of his and how it reached the depth of his brilliant blue eyes. His beautifully sunken in features filled my mind, reminding me of how gorgeous he was. I smiled at the very thought of him...until the new image of Jean claimed that residence.

Kellen's bright eyes and charming smile were all replaced by Jean's fierce gaze and sharp features. It should have alarmed me at how easy it was for my mind to replace Kellen's image with Jean's, but I wasn't. In fact, I was quite pleased with seeing his face in my thoughts...despite how horrible that was.

Still, there he was...his face perfectly sculpted to life in the depth of my thoughts and I was perfectly content with that. I even caught myself...smiling...but why? Why was I smiling at seeing that horse face's, well, face? I should have just scoffed and dismissed him, but I couldn't. It was like I wanted to see him. No...I did want to see him. But, more so...I wanted to feel him...to touch him...to do those things I fantasized about with him. Lips to lips...skin to skin...body against body...my fingers in his hair...inhaling every time he exhaled and vice versa.

I wanted to fix him, break him, and fix him again all in the confinements of my sheets. I wanted to taste him on my tongue and listen to his moans as they'd fill the air. I wanted to wipe Alexandra from his mind and claim all the places she had as my own. I wanted him to forget all about her.

But that wasn't right.

Jean wasn't mine to take from another woman and I wasn't his to take from another man. Kellen. I thought, fidgeting with my fingers. Guilt consumed me. I don't deserve such a great boyfriend. He's nothing but perfect and here I am letting another guy take up my thoughts. It was so wrong on so many levels. I was entertaining those unconscionable thoughts. And the award for World's Shittiest Girlfriend goes to me. I told myself, letting out a huff.

I was letting my thoughts get to me. That tug of war between what I knew was wrong and what was right was toying with me and I knew that. I was allowing myself to slip away into my thoughts and that was a sea I didn't feel like swimming. I knew that a storm was brewing within me and that I would surely drown if I gave it too much thought. That was a definite given.

So, I rested my pencil on my sketchbook and took a deep breath, massaging my temples. I was working myself up and for what? Because I was being an idiot? If anyone was a negative influence on my life, then it was Jean. He continuously 'warned' me about Kellen, but never elaborated as to why he was a horrible, horrible monster. On top of that, he had a girlfriend and knew I was with Kellen, yet he still pulled that stunt in my dorm room. Then again, I didn't help with that scenario. I was just as guilty.

"Ugh," I grumbled. "Stupid, Kirstein. Makin' my brain all wacky and shit."

I was annoyed at him and myself...but mostly myself. You're being an idiot, L/N. I scolded myself. Get your head cleared of all things Jean. Just erase that stupid horse face. However, the more I told myself to do those things, the more he wormed his way back into my mind. I should have hated that I was allowing that to happen, but I couldn't bring myself to.

Because, for some bizarre reason, it all felt so right.

I glanced out the café's window, watching as the gray clouds choked out the sun. There was a storm coming. That was what spring often brought. With the splendor of new life also budded the season of raging tempests that wreak havoc on all those around. And, oddly enough, that felt like my life.

I was staring out that window when I heard my phone buzz. I fished it out of my pocket and flipped to my messages to see I had a text from my dad. I stared at the unopened message for what felt like forever before opening it.

Dad: We need to talk

That was it. That was all it said. I scanned the words a few more times before sighing and sliding my phone back into my pocket. I didn't feel like talking to him. I was already confused enough about my feelings for people who weren't my family that I didn't need my father and mother making it worse.

"Got your favorite," Kellen smiled, setting a Styrofoam cup in front of me. "One medium vanilla latte for the beautiful lady."

I gazed down at the cup in front of me, smelling the aroma within it linger in the air. It was pleasant, and it did have a delicious scent to it. I had it many times before.

I grinned, "Thanks, babe."

I took a sip. It was tasty, but it wasn't my favorite.

**Bello my sweet lovelies. Honestly, this chapter took a turn that even I didn't fully see comin'. Still, I hope y'all liked it. I have a few things planned and I hope y'all are ready lol. We'll see, though. Anyway, thank you so much for everything! Y'all are the cat's pajamas! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross

P.S. "Playing with Fire" by BLACKPINK