inspirational Words

Crush

I have this crush. Now, it came out of no where, and it was nice. I wanted to get to know him more. I managed to get his number, and we've been talking. He wasn't the guy I thought he was, but honestly, a little better.

He has so many conflicting views then most people, but I wanted to know more. He talked differently then he does at school. I felt a little special. He was kinder then he appeared. Kinda.

But...

He doesn't like me. I knew from the beginning when I said something that seemed like I was confessing, when I really didn't mean it. But I thought maybe there was hope.

But...

I confessed...

Things didn't go as one may think. He said he was ok with me liking him, then called me friend. He said that it changes people, and that it's good. But did say that if it was holding me back, crushing on him, then he'd get me a boyfriend(WTF?).

We stayed friends, we still talked like nothing happened. Over text. We don't each other much at school. So I don't know if he's still thinking of it like me.

But...

Today was suffocating...

Embarrassing...

I realized that he doesn't care whether we're friends or not. And if it's not, well, it sure as hell seemed like it. I pulled a "prank" on prank saying I had a boyfriend. My gbf (gay best friend) pretended to be that guy who was my boyfriend. It ended badly...

My crush and my gbf texted each other. My crush said that if my gbf didn't like him texting me, he'd stop. It hurt... it hurt a lot. But it doesn't stop there. My gbf decided to FACETIME this guy. I put earbuds in, and tried to ignore them. I ended up freaking out, kinda, my my phone was taken. That wasn't the bad part. I looked through what they looked through, nothing personal, or embarrassing was showed (as of my knowledge). It was the fact that he was there after my gbf told him I really liked him.

Later this night, a couple hours ago, I texted my crush sorry. I said I was sorry, because he seemed uncomfortable. He said emotions aren't important. I snapped. I didn't yell at him, I'm just gonna distance myself from
Him. Try to avoid him for a bit to get my head together. I knew he didn't like getting close to people. So I'm gonna do what he does when he knows he's getting to close. Distance.
Maybe it'll help.

BUT...

We have a dance coming up. He's going, and I'm going. I'm scared I'm gonna cry, or something, at this dance. That I'm gonna break in front of him. I doesn't know that these things hurt me, I'm good at hiding that. But I don't want him too know either. I'm gonna try to keep to myself.

Please,
Man,
If you so happen to have a wattpad,
And you like this book,
I'm gonna be devastated.
If you figure out this is you,
Then please don't take this to heart.
It's for me,
To stop liking you,
To give my heart a break from all this madness called love.
I'm sorry for wasting your time by texting you.
I did, and at the moment, do like you.

hopefully these feelings go away...