Bromantic (Craig Tucker x Reader)

Not so Great.

As the movie started playing everyone grew eerily quiet. I looked over my right shoulder to see Kyle glancing at me. It was very brief but noticeable. For the life of me I can not focus on the movie, my mind just keeps taking me back to Craig. Was I too sensitive earlier? God I should of just shut my mouth and listened to him. Why do I do this to myself? I should call him.. Maybe we can talk through everything that happened and we will go back to normal.. We are now about quarter way through the movie and it feels like I haven't been in the same room as everyone else. That's how caught up in my own mind I am.

"Excuse me, I'll be right back... Um, Cartman? Where's your bathroom?" Without looking Cartman pointed in a direction. I followed his finger. When I got to the bathroom I locked the door behind me. I looked up Craigs contact, staring at his name for what seems like forever. Then I take a deep breath, and call him. The phone rings and rings... and rings. I get his voicemail.

"Hey Craig.... It's (Y/n).. I um, wanted to apologize for earlier. I was being dumb and..... I'm sorry.. Just.. can we talk? Tomorrow maybe? Call me back. Bye." Not long after I end the message Craig calls me back. I answer, not being able to slip one word in through Craigs rushed words.

"Look (Y/n). We need to just take it easy for now okay? I uh.. I need to just think.." Then Craig hung up. I just sat in the bathroom. I'm not crying, but I just feel... numb. I messed everything up. God its like I never learn from my mistakes. I'm not sure how long I have been sitting on the edge of the tub, But it must have been quite sometime because I can hear the guys starting to talk.

"Hey (Y/n)!? What's taking so long? Are ya taking a dump?    !" I hear Cartman yell through a fit of giggles. Not more than 2 minutes later I hear a knock. I open the door to see Kyle's face. He sneaks his was in, shutting the door softly behind him. I didn't really expect this, so I just kinda stand there awkwardly. Seeing how small Cartman's bathroom is, I think it's normal to be a bit uncomfortable.

"Are you okay?" Kyle asks looking like he was trying to read every detail of my face.

"Yup." I stated simply, trying to cover the hate I had for myself in this moment.

"Come here." Kyle then pulled me into a hug that I instantly returned back, hugging him just as tight. I didn't even realize I was shaking until I was pressed against his solid from.

"You can talk to me (Y/n).. I'm right here, I wont say a word." Kyle's voice rung in my ears. I was quiet for a minute, just hugging him, trying to make my heart calm down.

"I just feel so unworthy of everyone... I mess up everything.. I can never make good decisions.. They always come back and bite me in the ass. I feel like all I do is fuck up. Like, I literally take everything that brings me the slightest bit of joy and destroy it....." I paused for a moment, letting myself catch my breath.

"All I do is hurt people Kyle... Anyone who tries to get close to me I just push away." It was silent for another few moments. I know this may and over reaction from today, but in this moment, everything that I have ever done wrong in my life is flooding back into my mind.

"I just... feel like I put on a show for everyone.. This person that I claim myself to be.. But when the real me breaks through, even if it is only just for a moment, it's like I freak out on people.. It's like I'm afraid of their judgment, like I'm not good enough for them.. I mean I'm not even good enough for myself. Kyle, I opened myself up completely to Craig... I told him... that I loved him, and I flipped out on him because he didn't say it back quick enough.... I don't understand what's wrong with me. It just feels like I won't let myself be happy... It's like I don't want to be happy..." As I ranted I sat on the edge of the tub and Kyle sat next to me. I took in a deep breath as I realized what I had just said.

"God- I am so sorry..." As I apologized Kyle spoke up.

"No don't be sorry, everyone feels this way at least once in their life. You need to stop beating yourself up, you don't deserve to the pain you are bringing to yourself. You have a beautiful soul (Y/n.) Stop treating yourself like you are some horrible human being. You are worth so much more than that." I looked at Kyle, seeing his kind green eyes smiling at mine.

"And- about pushing people away,.. Maybe you just haven't found the right people to keep around. People will come and go throughout your life, that just life dude." Kyle and I were  both quiet for another moment before he spoke up again.

"Are you in love with Craig?" His question made my thoughts begin to race.

" I thought I was. But I guess I don't really know anymore. I don't even know what love is really.. But It doesn't matter how I feel anyways, All i did was push him away like do to everyone." I looked down studying Terrance's face that was stamped onto Cartmans PJ pants.

"How you feel is all that matters (Y/n), and if Craig can be pushed away from you that easily, then he doesnt deserve you. And if you are questioning your love for him, well.. Then maybe you never loved him at all...." Kyle rested his hand gently on my knee.

"You'll figure it out. You are an amazing person and honestly, If Craig is willing to let go of such a strong hearted, gorgeous woman so easily, then that's his problem. Not yours." Kyle was making me feel so much better. I honestly really needed to hear this. Kyle stood up extending his hand out to me to help me get on my feet.

"And (Y/n),.. Just so you know. You could never push me away. I know who you really are, and I think you are absolutely amazing... Now let's get out there before they start complaining.. I made them pause the movie for you when you left." I smiled a genuine smile and it felt amazing. I have a feeling the rest of the night is gonna turn out great. As I grabbed Kyles hand to stand up, I felt butterflies enter my stomach from the soft grase of his fingertips....

Or maybe tonight won't be as great as I thought....