Marked

Chapter 1

(F/C) = Favourite Colour

6:00, it read.

I couldn't sleep. It was two days since she slapped me and I couldn't sleep. Not because of mother's beatings or impossible demands, but because of nightmares. Nightmares of that day. He promised me that he would be there for me. To protect me from my mother. To safeguard my future and life ahead. To pick me up when I trip and fall. To be my guardian and parent for life.

But no.

He didn't keep his promise. He wasn't there for me. My mother kept on abusing me. My life doesn't have any future and I can't imagine a life with someone. He wasn't there for me when I fell so many times. I had no guardian nor parent for life.

I was alone.

No one was there for me. I was on my own too soon in life. Friends? Zero. Parental support? Nothing. Encouraging pep talk? Useless. All I had was my music. Instead of cutting myself like sad, depressed teenagers who would normally do that, I write. I write my pain, my anger, my sadness and my life into words. I change these words into songs of woe and conflict, not for personal gain. The only high point of it is to see others enjoy and relate to my troubles. To know that I'm not the only person suffering alone. These songs are my life translated into something beautiful, something that is mine. These songs. . . Are mine to own.

And now, I need to own my life. I need to be strong not for others, but for myself. I need to find the light in the darkness of my problems and shine it through. I need to fight back. But. . . I can't. I'm not strong enough. I can't do it on my own. I can't do it for myself. I am forever trapped in the everlasting darkness that tends to consume my being, bit by bit. I can't push through this. I just can't.

I feel my mind confined in this ongoing debate that always goes in circles. No end to it once started. I sighed and got off of my bed.

6:45

Time does fly when you're lost in your confusing thoughts. I sat down and scribbled down a few things that came to mind. Writing songs was hard at first but I soon got better at them. It feels natural for me to pen it all. 15 minutes had passed and I was satisfied with my work. School doesn't start in an hour's time so I stretched and headed to the shower. In my book, the last line of words read:

I always tell myself that I'm alone but someday, eventually, I will find happiness.

~ (Y/N)

I got dressed and packed my bag with the school necessities. Being the introvert that I am, I wore a white t-shirt with the words 'Don't mess with me', demin blue ripped jeans and a black jacket. My (F/C) hair was touching my shoulders since it was let down but I put a spare hair band on my left wrist, just in case. I was about to leave when my eyes stopped at my study desk. My book was sitting there. I debated whether I should bring it with me on the first day of school. I chose to bring it. Mother doesn't deserve to know what thoughts roam rampant in my head. I quickly stuffed it in my bag and made my way downstairs.

Mother wasn't seen to be awake yet as I cautiously looked. All was still and eerily quite when I made my way to the kitchen.

7:15

I've got time to make a hearty breakfast but I decided against it. Mother could wake up at any moment and demand the moon from me. No, a quick snack would have to do. I opened the refrigerator and grabbed the first thing that I saw. A chocolate bar. With it clutched in my hand, I closed the refrigerator and stealthily made way to the front door. That's when I heard it.

"Going somewhere?" I froze. Shit.

"I was going to school, ma'am," I answered, dropping my hands to my sides.

"And what were you doing with that? That's not yours, isn't it?" She stalked closer to me. I trembled in her presence.

"Remember our little deal, hmm? I believe that I have made it quite clear. Whatever, I can't do this in the morning. You're lucky I'm not in the mood to do anything to you, bitch. Run along, don't want to be late for school now would you?" She gave me a little shove towards the door as I turned the knot with shaky hands.

"And no boys (Y/N). They're just a bunch of motherfuckers." And she slammed the door behind me.

I hold in that breath until I am at a comfortable distance away from my house. Then, I let it out. That was too close for my liking. I reached school at 7:40. Still have 20 minutes to myself.

I sat at the bleachers and began to doodle on my book. Flowers, leaves and vines decorated the edges of the page. The centre was empty. I'll fill it in later. The bell rang as I packed up and headed in for my first class; Mathematics.

Oh joy.