hacker [e.d]

1.4

Down the pavement, anger boiling in the cracks of my skin every pounding step I took. Up the sidewalk, not wondering at all where all the cars had disappeared to. 

"Where are you going?" he whispered as I shot up from the bed, running my fingers through my hair.

"Home" I choked out.

"Do you want me to drive you-"

"I can walk" I cut him off, reaching for my jacket, his hand falling onto mine.

"Stay a minute" he whispered.

My silhouette appeared in the door, the chatter in the kitchen had stopped, peering through the small opening to see me, struck with rage.

I saw Grayson first, Lacey popping her head out next.

"Lil-" he started, yet I had just shaken my head and stomped up the stairs, slamming my door with both hands and stared at the mess in front of me, my room still sitting in place, torn to shreds from the last panic attack.

I kicked everything around, looking for something to scream out. Hot, angry tears pooled from my eyes as I looked to the blur of my closet.

Stomping across the carpet, I pulled down the box, throwing it on to my bed.

I ripped the lid open, my face softening at the sight below.

I sniffled, the rage crawled away, my tears becoming that of sadness, desperation. With careful hands, I shifted the objects in the small box.

I felt the fabric of the black sweatshirt, toying with it's red strings as I thought of when we went dancing in the rain and ran back to my place.

To the small white papers that read of the countless notes we passed in class, to a small drawing I had made of our fingers intertwined.

A necklace with a small heart at the end, cheesy I know, but it meant the world when I received it. Holding it in my hands, I basked in the memory of when it was given to me.

And finally, what sat on top, was the picture of us from what felt like decades ago. Two genuine smiles that could make you believe it was real. That it all was real.

"Do you regret it?" I asked softly, pulling my hand from under his.

"What?" he sounded more sober than before, making me believe what he would say next a complete lie, yet I continued to talk.

"All of it?" there was a visible pain in my voice, spilling from my eyes as well.

He sighed, looking away from my gaze as he stayed quiet. I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks, out of anger, embarrassment. I opened my mouth to tell him to forget it, but instead he said, "just because we didn't work, doesn't mean you weren't the best thing that ever happened to me"

I blinked out of confusion, partly  speechless. None of it made sense to me. If I was the greatest thing, why did he cheat? Why did he leave me? 

But that's not what I said.

"Lil" the soft voice called from the doorway, the door creaking open.

I sniffled, not bothering to look up, yet keeping my eyes on his, wondering where it all went wrong. Where everything fell out of place.

The bed dipped next to me, a set of arms wrapping around my shoulders, one hand sliding along my back.

I held the picture lower, looking to the wall now.

"He kissed me" I whispered, I could hear her breath catch in her throat.

"Wh-" it was quiet again as I sniffled.

"And I kissed him back" I bit my lip, the tears falling down my cheek.

It was quiet as I looked up to her, "am I a bad person" I asked through a strained voice.

She let out a breath through her nose, resting her palm on my cheek as she wiped my tears with her thumb. Her lips were in a thin line, the ends curved up slightly as she shook her head.

"No, Lilian" she whispered, her eyes meeting mine, "you're human"

In sync we found ourselves looking back at the picture, letting the silence crowd itself into the box and relished in the idea of not having to see any of this again.

"Yeah" I said with glistening eyes, "you too"

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an; ik short chapter, it's a filler for monday:)