My Grey Nights {EDITING}

Chapter 24.

Chyna McCartney

I sat staring at the ceiling of my room as the rain once again banged on my empty soul, and the thunder of my true understanding clashed against my thoughts. It was another storm, but this time I didn't have Noah to hold me in his arms, instead I got a cold sheet to try and warm me up but keep my heart frozen. I've sat thinking about my whole life with and without Noah.

My dad, mom, and sister. To be honest, c when I was little I was a true daddy's girl before you know who changed and turned him against me. My sister wasn't born until I was in second grade which took a huge turn also. When she was born she got all of the attention, of course I got used to it but I thought no one liked me. That's another reason I was always shy and afraid to speak my mind. That day I won the beauty pageant was the day I got home my mom beat me until she saw blood. Ha! You can say I had it good though. I always had the new edition clothes and sneakers but that didn't change shit!

A tear glided down my face as Noah popped into my head and a strike of lighting hit the sky. Some people would say they hated the rain because it was scary or sticky. But as you get older you start to see rain as a meaning, some would say it was the angels and Gods tears or a true meaning of life. In my perspective it was life every body had a different way of seeing rain and thunder. In my eyes I saw rain as a escape to really look for my self. When I was little I would sit in the window and daze at the lighting as if it lit up the world; my world; my life.

Noah was my rain, my lighting, my storm that help find the stinging sun to break though it's thick hard barriers. Now the rain and thunder was my heartbreak making my tears fall much more easier. The argument we had went all out of proportion, but did it really? I mean, yeah, it was all over so dumb ass broad who helped my curiosity be my guide but look where it got me.

When people say curiosity killed the cat maybe they were right but the big difference was it was my heart.

I licked the tears off my lips and wiped my nose as the rain knocked on my windows. I've noticed that the argument was so dumb, foolish and very immature. I just let maybe the love of my life fall though the cracks of my fingers. I sniffed and looked at the window and stared at the rain, Sometime I want to say fuck life and go hang myself or drown myself in a tub filled with ice cold water.

The rain poured hard against the concrete pavements and my window pain. It was all like my life was going right back the way it was but this time, much worse. This time I didn't have a family, this time I don't have anyone, this time I'm more than isolated, I'm ... Lost.

Again.

What does it mean by I'm lost? I'm lost because I feel as though there no one there behind the curtain of darkness. My grandmother said " if you can't see the full suit case, just take the first step." But I can't if my feet are glued to this floor mile away from the stair case to even being seen.

Lost...

Is what it is. But the rain helps me, because at the end of every storm, somewhere there's that beautiful rainbow. The only thing I fight and live to see what's at the end of that rainbow...

The true meaning of life's understanding it's self. Myself. So yes I've just explain my meaning of my life and the argument to you in beautiful metaphors.

I just hope I do find what's the at the end of the rainbow...

_____________

August 4th, 2O14

Did I explain the storm well?

Was it deep? lol just asking.