i hate you

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screaming and thrashing wildly, they hold me down

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screaming and thrashing wildly, they hold me down. my grandfather holding my legs, my mother holding my chest, my grandmother rushing my sisters out of my room.

my voice croaks.
"i hate you."

i watch as my mother shakes her head as she squeezes my hands in reassurance.

"you don't, you don't. you're just hurt and you have every right to." she says, trying to stop my struggling.

my grandfather gives me a pained look which causes me to close my eyes.

"i should hate you. i should."
the words escape my mouth even if
i know i adore her. she raised me.

her fingers stroke my hear and she plants a kiss upon my cheek only a mother could.

"it's okay."

- i dont hate her. i hate myself.

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