An Idol for the Omega

Jae

Jae

The fans cheering along is one of my favorite feelings. It's not for the ego-stroking though, that's not it at all. It's the joy that comes from having all of our hard work appreciated. The recordings, the dance practices and all the rehearsals pay off. When we hear our fans; thanks and care in their applause. It's the moment where we share everything we love and have the love returned.

It hasn't always been fans cheering. I've worked for our production company, kPower, after auditioning with them almost seven years ago. By auditioning, I mean several, round-after-round of stressful auditions, before being chosen as lead vocalist for J.A.M.M.I.N.

Now, I also play a large part in the music production and the other five guys and me are like family. It was a struggle to get this far honestly. The music industry is known for being controlled by those with high power and those willing to work for it. There're no such thing as lucky breaks for people like me.

My father is reasonably well-off, enough to comfortably support our small family. He's a lawyer at a firm well-known for their pro-Bono work. My mother is mostly a house-wife, but she teaches piano from home and is where I first gained my love and appreciation for music.

Despite growing up with music, both of my parents were set against me trying to become a singer. Dad wanted me to become a lawyer, or better yet, a judge, even something like a police office as well. I know that to him, that was giving me a wealth of options to try for, but it seemed like an ill-fitting cage to me.

Mom said her music was just a hobby. I shouldn't rely on it to support me and that it's not a career. She said that it was find not to follow in my father's footsteps, being a teacher would be okay too. Despite how close we all were, neither of them supported me.

Except Alec-hyung. Alec's not my brother, but an exchange student that came and lived with our family for two years. He's older than me and I came to idolize him. At first, he was very stand-offish. I thought he didn't like me, or being in Korea. I didn't fully understand it, but my family soon learned that Alec just couldn't understand our family dynamic. Mainly, that there was one.

Eventually, he learned to open up and trust us and it was like having a second son in the family. My parents adored and spoiled him, and we maintain a close relationship with him, even after he returned to America.

Alec-hyung was the one that really supported me. When I first told him that I wanted to sing and make music, he never said a negative thing. He gave me encouragement after rejections, and there were rejections. His never-ending support was what kept me going. I've accomplished a lot of hard work, as an individual and as part of a team, and I look forward to keep going.

kPower is a great company to work for. Once you're in, they take care of you like family. I guess treating people like family is really important to me. I am under an eight-year contract, that started after my one-year trainee contract ended, but the conditions are pretty fair.

The salary amount is amazing and I also get to live in the dorms with the other members of J.A.M.M.I.N. We have our own studio to record and produce in, as well as our own practice space for choreography. Our schedule is pretty tight, but we are always treated with care and respect by the staff assigned to us.

Some of the guys complain that they don't get to date. That's pretty standard for any company's contracts, no dating. Some just have some secrecy clauses, like as long as the public doesn't find out, the company doesn't care. Since all the members of J.A.M.M.I.N. debuted between the ages of fifteen-seventeen, it was no dating. Period.

Not a problem for me. I've yet to date. I just assume that when my contract is up, I'll try and find a nice girl. Maybe the company would set me up? Would that be weird? It's just that, I can't really think of a type of girl that I like.

Some of the guys are crazy for the girl group members within kPower, while others go on about actresses, models or the girls back in their old neighborhoods. I just haven't really met anyone like that, aside from family, that I think about when we're apart. Especially in the physical sense.

I'm not worried about that, I get boners and morning wood like all the other guys. Mostly, I just take a cold shower and its gone. Sometimes I feel more pent up and have to stroke it out. I don't really think about anyone, just focus on the sensations themselves. It's not very creative, but does the job. I guess, maybe I'll be attracted to someone based solely on sense of touch, which doesn't sound very romantic to me.

I should ask hyung, since he's visiting Korean. About dating girls and how you know if you're attracted to them. The thing with that is, he just came out to me. I've never had that happen. There's more acceptance now for homosexuality in Korea, but its still very much not tolerated in a public setting.

In the past, Alec used to date girls, he's told me about his girlfriends over the years. They didn't sound that great to me, but he was, in fact, straight. Maybe I shouldn't ask him? As much as I haven't been attracted to girls, I've haven't been attracted to guys either. I spend my time around a bunch of them, whom are really hot according to the fans, so if I was going to be gay, wouldn't I know it? Is it possible to be attracted to a person, regardless of their gender?

I won't talk to hyung yet I don't want him to think I'm confused. I'll just wait and see in the future. I'll probably find a beautiful girl and never think about this again. As long as I find someone, that is what's important after all.

That's a concern for the future though. Right now, I'm focused on making J.A.M.M.I.N. the best it can be. In our music and for our fans.

My friendship with Hyuk, Star, M, Jun Min and Taejin is really important to me. I've had friends in the close, but the ties between us were relate to being in the same neighborhood or going to the same class. I don't connect easily with people and haven't kept in touch.

The casualness of friendship isn't a strong enough bond for me, which is why I love all of my extended, non-family family. I cherish the strong ties of commitment and responsibility. One person's success is success for the family and vice-versa. One person's joy and sorrow are shared, too.

Building this close-knit unity isn't always for others, making the bonds I have with my parents, Alec, kPower's staff and J.A.M.M.I.N. that much more important to me. I will work hard to make them proud of me. I won't let them down.

A/N: I received a comment about knowing more about the characters and it got me thinking that I might have sailed past some of Jae and Braden's individual pasts. Here is a prologue for Jae, which should probably be moved to the front of the story at a later time. It sort of takes place before the airport in chapter one, but it's basically just inner monologue. I posted the one for Braden before, in case you missed it. Let me know if there are any questions about them that you'd like added to this.

Dedicated to RaquelRodriguez071, for the comments and questions, letting me see what I've written from a different perspective.