Thirty One Days

Freeing

My mind buzzed the remainder of the day and into the next with the imagine of Istvan flinching. But it could have been anything, an annoying tick, or a simple turn of the head sharply, or he could have even been mimicking me. As long as I've known Istvan, Dylan and he started second grade together, he's been super nice to everyone he met. In all honesty, I didn't know much about Istvan though.
This was going through my mind as I stood in the bathroom. I had attempted to shower but it didn't last long and now I was staring disgustedly at myself in the mirror. Like a corpse of my former self. The shocking fact that I'm withering away, despite the vitamins and protein bars my mom buys bulks of, I'm a shell of who I once was.
Hair that has become too pale to be blonde anymore and eyes that have darkened too much, I barely recognize myself anymore. "Is that even Stevie?" Dylan has whispered to mom when they thought I had fallen asleep on the couch. It became something that constantly ran through my mind, like a never-ending journey, a train without a destination. Taunting me.
Staring down at my hands I felt something, very softly, trace down my spine sending goosebumps racing across my body. For a moment I didn't think it was anything, a piece of hair that had fallen out of my bun perhaps until I couldn't breathe. My eyes flashed back up at the mirror, in an attempt to calm myself, but I noticed something behind me. Something lurking and dark that was there and not all at the same time, almost like a shimmer against the medicine cabinet that stood opposite of my vanity. Once I focused on it moved again and this time it appeared directly behind me and no longer shimmer like. The creatures dense, cold breath danced across the bare skin of my shoulder.

My breathing grew short. Stop, it's not real. Squeezing my eyes closed helped for a moment until a sharp pain pierced through my back, with an involuntary gasp following. The air in the room was leaving rapidly, faster than I could stand and my knees gave out under me in response to another wave of goosebumps. And pain.
Hot, thick blood covered the white tile floor in my bathroom staining everything including my porcelain skin. The figure was gone but the chill it brought in the air still hung around. Fighting the urge to vomit everywhere, making the situation worse, I tried to stand up. My legs felt like old oak trees, ancient and rooted deep in place. I reached for the doorknob but it was miles ahead of me, out of reach. 
As if I had swallowed fire, my lungs began to burn from the lack of oxygen, they grew heavy. Aiding in rooting me to my spot on the bathroom floor. The bathroom became dark suddenly, and I realized my vision was beginning to tunnel in response to my panic. 
Helpless, fighting tears and vomit, I didn't know what else to do. So I screamed.

The room smelt of lavender, books, and the night air. Upon opening my eyes I realized that I was back in my bedroom, tucked into bed. My thin curtains blew gently in the wind that was invited in by an open window, it was refreshing and I drank it in deeply. Other than the moonlight pouring in, there was no light in my room but I could tell someone else was in here with me.
"Stevie?" Dylan's body materialized out of the darkness as he perched himself at the edge of my bed. He had gotten a haircut today, by moms demands no less, but looked messy and unkempt. "You're awake finally." Relief filled his voice as I could see him physically relax, I could only guess how long he has been waiting for me to wake up. 
Then silence fell between us. This was the one secret mom had asked me to keep from him, my episodes were not to be mentioned to him or anyone else outside of doctors and my parents.
The bones inside of my body rattled with nervousness. Had he already told mom? Dylan must have sensed the tension that spread between us too.
"Damnit Stevie, say something." He pale eyes glowed in the darkness, a lazy river of blues and greens. "Please," His voice cracked like broken glass causing me to twitch.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't force myself to say anything or admit to anything. If he didn't know, if mom had found me, I couldn't risk exposing my secret. Mom would never forgive me and I could never forgive myself for wrapping Dylan up in this mess too. I wanted to tell him so badly and be able to talk to someone about it, I hated feeling alone, I hated keeping this secret, I hate it. 
Dylan's shoulders deflated as he stared into his hands. "You don't understand what it's like to be a big brother, Stevie. All my life I was told to look after you, so I did, but you never needed me. You've always been such a strong and good person." It was his turn to avoid eye contact now. "When you started high school I was so nervous. Any guy I saw look at you funny, I spoke to him. 'Hey, that's my sister.' Then follow it with an insult."
Our eyes meet again, his had glazed over and shone crystal in the moonlight the seeped in from my window.
"But you never needed me," Dylan places his hand on my leg, looking away from me again. "By the time I left for university I had decided not to care anymore, all I had ever done for you was beat up bullies in elementary school and hinder your dating life." That was a lie, I always needed Dylan but it's hard to feel helpless when the person you looked up to was so strong and independent. 
Then silence crept back into the room. My heart was beating so loud and aching so deeply, I was worried he could feel it through his hand on my leg. If he did, he gave no indication that he had instead he sat there for a moment longer.
"When I came home to visit this last time I knew something was up, mom and dad wouldn't say anything but I know you. And you weren't acting like you." Dylan moved closer up the bed toward me. "Then today, I come home from getting a haircut and, as I'm looking through the cabinets for something to eat, I hear this sound. A wail followed by a thud." Another paused.
"I felt like such a failure as I saw you lying on the floor, passed out. You needed someone and I wasn't there." My brother looked up at me, eyes still glossy but I couldn't meet them. There was something creeping behind Dylan, black and slender. The creature was there and wasn't, constantly darting from side to side giving it the appearance of being solid. The depth of its color gave another indication of its solidness.
"Stevie?"
Why can't I control my breathing? Three slender figures slide up and over Dylan's shoulders, grasping him. Panicked rushed over me as I attempted to calm my breathing and stop my heart from exploding.
Then I felt hands grasping me, but they weren't dark and heavy, they were freeing. Dylan had taken ahold of me.
"Stevie, what is it? What is wrong?" His voice was panicked as he held onto me, the slender hand faded away as he pulled me into a tight hug. "Stevie I promise to be here for you, you just need to let me in."