Worth Living For

Chapter 8

~Frank’s P.O.V.~

I missed everything. I missed my parents; my mom especially, because I knew I would never see her again. I missed my art that I hadn’t done since the phone call from my dad. I missed work, and talking to Ava. I missed Gerard, who still clouded my thoughts even though I would be expected to only be thinking about my mom. I wanted to talk to my mom one last time. I wanted to have the inspiration to get up from the table in my kitchen that I had sat at every day of the last week and do art. I wanted to go back to work. I wanted to see Gerard.

I sat down in the chair at my table, the first cup of coffee of the day in my hands. I stared at the liquid in the mug for a while before bringing it up to my lips and downing about half of it. I went through a few more cups of coffee, until I felt like I couldn’t drink anymore. I still stayed seated at the table though, because I really had nowhere else to go.

I had called my boss the day after my dad had called me, and he told me that I could take off all the time I needed. I told him that I might be going to California for the funeral, and that I would be gone from work longer if I did. I didn’t plan on going, though. I would visit my dad in a few months, to make sure he was doing okay. But I didn’t want to go to the funeral.

I hadn’t been out of my apartment since I ran here from the restaurant I had left Ava at. I actually had somewhat of a daily routine going on the past week. I would get up, well, whenever I woke up. Make my first cup of coffee, sit at the kitchen table. Keep drinking coffee until there was no light coming in from the windows, and my eyes became too heavy. Then I would make my way back to my bedroom, and go to sleep.

My phone rang a lot, but I never got up to answer it or to call anyone back. A majority of the calls were most likely from Ava and my dad, worrying about me and wondering if I was okay. I would call them back whenever I was ready. But for now, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. Mostly because I was too afraid they would tell me something like my dad had told me the last time I spoke to him. If I didn’t have to talk to anyone ever again, for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t. I was terrified.

The kitchen was slowly starting to get darker, which meant that the sun was setting. I poured myself a cup of coffee that would probably be the last of the day, and sat right back down in my chair. I glanced around the room for a little while, wondering how long it would be until I felt like I could start doing my art again. Until I could go to work, go visit my dad, or see Gerard.

A loud noise rang through the silent apartment, and I almost fell out of my seat. At first, I wasn’t even sure that a noise had been made, and that I had just imagined it. But when I heard it again, I realized that it was coming from the front door. I stared at the door for a minute, trying to decide if I should answer it or just stay where I was. When it seemed like the knocking wouldn’t stop until I answered, I stood up and made my way to the door.

My hand closed around the knob, and I swung it open. The person that stood in front of me was probably the last person I expected to show up at my house. And, the person that I certainly wasn’t prepared to be seeing at the moment, looking (and smelling) how I did.

The look in Gerard’s eyes turned from frustration to worry when he saw my face, and I locked my eyes on the floor. I waited for him to speak first, because I had no idea what I was supposed to say.

“How are you?” he asked, slouching his shoulders a little bit to try to look me in the eyes.

“I’m...fine.” I mumbled, looking up at him.

He sighed. “Can I come in?”

I bit my lip, debating whether or not I should let him in, but before I could decide for myself, my body moved itself out of the doorway, and he stepped forward into my apartment. I shut the door behind him, then turned to face him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked after a long moment of silence.

“Nothing.” I shook my head, looking down at my feet.

“Something’s wrong.” he said, stepping closer.

“It’s fine, I’m fine. Really.” I mumbled, trying to avoid his eyes.

“Why haven’t you answered your phone?”

“Umm...I’ve been busy.”

“Oh.” he shifted his weight. “I just thought I’d stop by to make sure you were okay, and everything.”

“Oh, well...um, thanks, I guess.”

“I called your work, to try to get ahold of you. Your friend Ava answered the phone? She, um...she told me why you took of work for a little while...” he paused. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine...” I sighed. “You know, you don’t have to come and give me sympathy. I’m fine. I mean, we barely know each other.”

“I know, I just...I don’t really know why I came. I was just trying to get ahold of you, because I wanted to see if you wanted to get some coffee or something sometime...and I started to get worried when you wouldn’t answer the phone.” he sighed. “Am I trying too hard?”

“No...it’s okay. You’re fine. I’m sorry, I just haven’t been feeling up to anything lately.”

“And I don’t expect you to be. If I would have known...I wouldn’t have called so much. I would have left you alone for a little while. I just came over to make sure you were okay, you know? To see if you needed someone. I didn’t know if you already had a friend helping you through this or not...but I took a chance anyway.”

“Um, thanks.” I mumbled. “I’m okay though, really. I don’t need help.”

“Alright...” he looked around awkwardly. “Well, I guess I should be going then?”

I nodded, inching my way to the door.

“If you need anything...just give me a call, okay?” he turned to the table that my phone sat on, writing his number down on the notepad.

“Okay.” I replied.

“I guess I’ll see you later...” he grabbed the doorknob and opened the door, walking out into the hallway.

“See ya’.” I replied as he shut the door behind him.

I stood in that spot for a minute, trying to figure out what had just happened. I could had said something to him, could have told him everything. He still be here with me right now, helping me through my mother’s death. He could be comforting me, telling me that everything’s going to be okay. I wouldn’t have to miss him anymore, because he’d be here. I ruined my chance.

I remained in that spot, trying to figure out what I should do. Should I just stay here, and wait for him to call again? Go back to my new routine?

A knock came from the other side of the door, for the second time that day. It made me jump again, but instead of hesitating, I rushed to the front door and opened it before the person on the other side even got the chance to knock twice.

Gerard was staring back at me again, but instead of saying something like he had the first time, he grabbed my face and pulled me towards him, his lips crashing into mine.