Bang Bang

Night

It had been over a month since Clay and I had encountered any other enemies after one of us. And after him hearing all of the tapes I had made, it made him cling more to me. As if it was all his fault. I thought about them. The tapes. And how they told a story of me. What was I thinking? Did I really think I was going to get help putting up an act like that? Alternatively, yes. But here, no. I placed Clay Sanner in a dangerous spot. Though he brought me back to life it still led him to a dead zone. I have to worry about the Clans. The small Gangs. Shinastae was already taken care of. When I saw Clay beat the hell out of him I saw an animal in him. Fire. Blazing heat roaring inside of him. Taking his hate on him. There was no fox inside of Clay during the fight. I saw a wild dog attack. He acted like a wild dog. An animal..
I have to worry about his folks. At any given time they can call to police for a "missing child" report. And it has been 24 hours and more that had passed. And if that happens, they catch us, what will they do to me? Send my to an orphanage? Put me in jail? Anything can go wrong for me. His mother can jeopardize me into her son being hostage of me. Interrogate me. Something. Maybe I was a bad influence. Maybe I should've listened. Maybe I should've moved on-

I sit up on the bed. Next to Clay who was fast asleep. His mumbles didn't wake me. My thoughts did.. I never told him how bad my insomnia was. I look to the time.
3:00am.
I sigh. I close my eyes. Thinking about my dream.

I stood there before Clay. My head was down low. Crying telling him sorry until I got pulled away, gun to my head by someone I couldn't see. Clay wanted to do something..but instead he turned his head away.

Bang...

The person had shot Clay instead of me. Right near his chest. Bleeding. I wanted to run to him before he fell to catch him, but the person didn't let me go. He covered my mouth. Forcing me to watch the boy suffer in pain. Pouring his own blood out onto the cold floor.

My eyes then trace up to a woman in gray clothes. White long hair. Eyes blue.

I woke up from myself again. Truth will be told. Somehow somewhere. But the woman..I've seen her before in a nightmare.
When I was a kid of course. The dream was about me being at a movie theater. She chased me down and I had used skull heads to make a path or I'd fell deep down into an abyss. A witch.

I look to Clay, smiling. I listen to the small music playing as a background.

"Nobody said it was easy.
Nobody said it would be so hard."

I look down to my hands.

Why was it that I ruin things for him? He says I make everything better, but why do I feel so upset?
Am I yet not finished?
It's not the lust keeping me here..it's love yes, but what else?..

I heard a creek. It scared me. Making my heart race. I sigh as I realized it was the wind.

I was traumatized still..
Not my own death or the tapes.

I pinch the lobe of my ear.

I was traumatized from my own mother. And my dad wasn't much help or near the picture..

I wanted to cry. I touch the side of my stomach, reminding myself that I've cut and hurt people. Each cut was filled with anger and fear. Sorrow too. Why is everything so different for me. Difficult. I look back to Clay. And why does nobody do me the smallest wishes when I help them all the time..

I lay back down. His arm comes around and pulls me into a hug. I didn't mind. I needed the extra warmth anyways. I let a tear slip down. But I wished he would just understand me..
I hug his arm, warm. Those silent tears started to pour from my eyes. I slowly started to drift to sleep.
Afraid of any nightmares.
The cold.
My thoughts...

I snuggle next to him. He's all I have left..