Bang Bang

I'm so sorry, forgive me for my sins

Every memory processing down my mind entered as the water hits my skin. It burns to the point I have to shift around.

Why did I run away?..

I know I didn't really have much, I mean in purpose. Thinking of it now it was like no one really saw a future in me. Just him. They only saw him becoming great.

You hate it still.. and your trust is far broken with others.

God knows I'm still scared. I remember every words my mother told me. I didn't listen. I ended up fucking my life over for him. Fucking it over to stay with him because my heart told me so. I know I did alright.

But you think of her, don't you? Do you hate her?

I hated her before, for the selfish way of acting of care. My mother was the complete opposite. People liked her. Maybe I just wasn't good enough in her eyes. It's driving me insane..

I hear a knock on the door, "Rikku? Hey uhm.. sorry I was upset. I hate seeing you like this." There was a pause. My eyes look to the door through the wet and damp curtain sheets. "I bought you your favorite food by the way."
"Thank you," I finally say. Letting my voice crack, "I'll be out in a bit." I watch how the soap washes off my shoulder. Seeing the old scars on my body. I hate it. I hate me.

Just face it. I was never the light showing any bright hope anymore.

Don't. You were doing good. Fine. Please..

My nails stops at my neck. Sharp at my skin.

You cut, you might as well say goodbye to him. And you know damn well he's lasted strings holding on to you. As you were to him.

I sigh. Yeah. Self harm is..old. But the blood it so satisfying. Beauty.. Delightful..

My eyes widen as the vision of a red house appeared in my head.

I know. You want to go home.

No.. I just miss the things that made me alive. Happy.
I'm missing something that is not there anymore. A silhouette.

Visions of people appear in mind. Sentences ring in my ears. I hate it. Hate it all..

Clay was sat near the table. Watching Dusty play around his shoes. "Hey babe," I smile still drying up my hair. I wore a loose shirt and shorts to be comfortable. Clay smiled a little.

Jesus... why on Earth would I want to hurt him?

I hold my shoulder. I wish he would've tried the same way I did in tears.

My smiled faded, I'm losing my sanity..