For His Protection

4. Green Eyes

"If you truly cared about her, your pathway is clear, Severus."

Dumbledore was leaning against the frame of the window in the Headmaster's office, staring out into the darkness. He had listened to Severus cry out in agony for the last ten minutes over Lily's death, blaming himself for not protecting her.

"I did." Severus wiped the tears from his face. Guilt was eating him up inside. "But this- You can't ask me to do this."

"I believe it is necessary. Voldemort will return one day." He paused for a moment. He could see Severus out of the corner of his eye. The tears that had been rolling down his cheeks earlier were finally gone. His face was twisted into anger now.

"That boy is Potter's son! I refuse to protect anything that belonged to him after the way he treated me!"

Dumbledore lifted a corner of his mouth. His reaction was not surprising. As a matter of fact, he thought Severus was handling it well. It was a lot to ask of anyone, but he knew he could do it. Plus, it would give him something to do, to feel important again, like he had under Voldemort's command. He turned around slowly, clasping his hands together in front of him. He kept his voice soft. "Harry is Lily's son too. She died to keep him safe. Don't let her death be in vain."

Severus glared at him. "How dare you-" He stopped. There was no point in arguing. Dumbledore was right and he knew it.

Severus felt awful for what had happened to Lily. He wished he had never heard the prophecy and relayed it Voldemort. Then he would have never been caught in the middle of this whole mess. Lily had been his best friend in the whole world. She knew more about him than anyone and she had accepted him all the same. She had taken up from him, going against James and his clan, and anyone else that tried to humiliate him. Lily had always been there by his side. If only he hadn't messed their friendship up by calling her a 'mudblood'. That day changed his life. Lily never forgave him for it and now she never could. It had been that mistake that started him down his path of darkness, and it wasn't all that he lost because of it. He had lost Serena Dane too.

It had thrown him for a loop when he saw her at the house where James and Lily had been hiding, especially when she pulled her wand on him. She no longer trusted him and he could not blame her. He had left her to learn the Dark Arts and ripped her heart out to do it. The look on her face as he left her there that night had haunted his dreams every night since. It was unreasonable to expect her to welcome him back with open arms. He had done it on purpose. Severus knew that in order to be able to leave her, as close as they had gotten in their last year at Hogwarts, that she would have to hate him. He needed to see that look of anguish on her face, something he knew she would probably never forgive him for. Nothing short of that would have allowed him to leave her standing alone in the rain. At that time, learning the Dark Arts and being able to exact revenge on James and his friends, was more important to him than having someone who cared about him. What a fool he had been. He would give anything if she had come after him, if she had dragged him back to the castle kicking and screaming. There was so much he had done that he wasn't proud of, so much that he wished he could take back. He buried his face in his hands as a wave of fresh tears overtook him.

Dumbledore walked over and laid a hand on Severus's shoulder to comfort him. He was shaking all over, but he didn't have time for him to break down like this. There was a more pressing matter at hand. "We need to find him, Severus."

He looked up, his eyes red and puffy. "He was in his crib. I don't know what could have happened to him." Then suddenly it hit him. "Or maybe I do."

"What?"

Severus hurriedly wiped his tears away for the second time that night. Serena had gone into the house. There was no way she would have left Harry there alone. "I'm willing to bet that she has him."