Wolfstar OneShots

Bachelors And Karaoke

This is modern au. Sorry. Thanks-or not-to @wentziswhacc for the idea. Also, they are still magic, and it's still Hogwarts based, but modern day, not the 70s.

"CONGRATS, JAMESY ON GETTING HITCHED. IN A SHORT 12 AND A QUATER OR SOMETHING HOURS YOU'LL BE TRAPPED IN THE JAWS OF THE BEAST WE CALL LILYFLOWER! TO PRONGS!"

James downed his 12th butterbeer and his 3rd shot of Firewhiskey before dragging Sirius to the dance floor. Remus sat at the table with his 1st and only butterbeer, seeing as he was the one responsible to get the boys home. Peter had only had 2 shots of firewhiskey and a butterbeer and he was already singing the Sailor Moon theme song terribly on the karaoke machine. Sirius stumbled over to Remus with red flushed cheeks-which they both insisted was due to the alcohol-and smiled at the scar faced boy.

"Heeey Remy boy! How's it going fam squad?"

Remus sighed, slapping himself on the forehead and regretting ever choosing memes over classic literature to make Sirius happy.

"Never say that again Padfoot, or I will be forced to kick your ass."

Sirius winked and wiggled his eyebrows.
"I wouldn't mind something of yours on-or in-my ass."

Remus blushed bright red and pushed Sirius' face away and sighed-again-though a smile was slowly forming on his lips. Remus was blatantly ignoring Sirius' drunken attempts at flirting when he noticed a fucking stag on the dance floor.

"Shit. Fuck shit. Sirius, go and get your friend before he hurts himself."

Sirius rushed over quickly-or as quickly as a drunken man can-and grabbed James by the horns.

"Prongs, what in the name of Merlin's beard are you doing, mate?"

James didn't respond and Sirius was offended before he realised that stags can't talk. English. What?

"Mate, change back you twat, so we can talk. I just wanna help you, mate."

James didn't turn back.

"Stop being a wanker, you're getting married tomorrow, it's time to grow up."

James just fell in a Bambi style and stayed there, probably inwardly crying.

Sirius sighed and walked back to Remus, falling flat on his face in the process. Meanwhile, Remus was staring at Peter, who was hugging a coat rack and crying about how he missed his mother. Remus simply shook his head, wondering how the fuck he became friends with these tossers and how said tossers convinced him to come to this party.

Sirius stood up and pointed back like a child towards James, grinning somehow aggressively at Remus.

"The bloody tosser won't get up. Fucking tosser."

Remus slapped himself on the forehead once more, probably subconsciously trying to get to their level of stupidity so he wouldn't judge them so hard.

"Come on, we're going ho-"

Before Remus could finish his sentence-or his beer for that matter-he looked at the empty space where Sirius was standing and then to the dance floor where he was attempting to tango to the Sailor Moon theme-which Peter was once again singing-with a stag named James.

Remus felt like jumping off the astronomy tower, but then he realised that he didn't live at Hogwarts anymore, and had to travel with his two drunk best friends and a deer all the way to Godric's Hollow.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuck."
He groaned before pulling Peter onto his back and carrying him, grabbing Sirius' hand like a child and holding James' horn while leading them all out of the Three Broomsticks. He nodded to Madame Rosmerta and dragged the two boys and the stag back to Lily's house so she could turn James back into a human. And hopefully back into an intellect.

Probably not.

******

On arrival at Lily's humble abode, James barreled into the front door, knocking it off of it's hinges and seeing Lily scream and send red lightning towards the doorframe, the spell just barely missing Remus.

"Oh shit, sorry Rem! I'm so sorry! James you're a fuckwit and you're fixing that door tomorrow! Why the fuck are you a stag? What the shit? I'm so confused. I just wanted to watch Doctor Who but now I can't. What the fuck?"

Remus shushed Lily with a close of his hand and a sour look, dropping an unconcious Peter onto the floor and catching Sirius as he fell unconcious too. Lily stared baffled.

"Okay, so either you guys got drunk, or bombarded by Death Eaters."

Remus sighed tiredly.
"I'd take the Death Eaters right now..."

Lily pointed her wand at James and muttered a spell. Soon enough, the stag James was now naked James and he passed out on the rug, not before waving sheepishly at Lily, who decided against a hens night for exactly this reason.

"Love you Lilyflowaaa."
James slurred drunkenly and Remus snorted before slumping on the couch next to Lily and still holding an unconcious Sirius in his arms.

Lily smiled fondly at James before looking at Sirius and then at Remus.
"He loves you, you know?"

"Who, my dad?"

Lily shook her head with a grin.
"No, Black."

"Oh." Remus said quietly, kind of awkwardly. "That's pretty cool, seeing as I love him too."

Lily kissed Remus' cheek, causing him to scruch up his nose.
"Ew...I'm too gay for that."

Lily snorted and waved goodbye, patting Peter's head with her bare foot and kissing James before going to bed.

Remus laid back and pulled Sirius onto his chest, smiling softly before falling asleep to the sound of Sirius' heartbeat.

*****

Hey, the odd narrating in the dance floor part was meant to, like...represent Sirius' drunken mind or some shit if you didn't get that. I definitely was not writing this at 1 am and could barely stay awake. What?

Also, there is no editing whatsoever.

Okay. Bye.

-Tyarna