Fried Burrito

t w E N t y - n I N e

"Marriage, seriously?" Daphne said from her side of the table. "Your first boyfriend is with you for about a year and he already wants to marry you? Is the sex that good?"

"Daph, stop it!" Lena blushed for me as I panicked. 

"We don't get to have sex that often, we mostly talk and do other things together but when we do get to, there's nothing but good times," I paused to reminisce on Jace and I's moments together before I snapped out it. "But that's not the point. Why would we get married?"
"Why wouldn't you? You two are in love." Lena advises.
"But he's her first boyfriend..." Daphne argued. "He's been with other girls before her so he has more experience in a way."

"Yes but, Caden is the one that's stuck. They fit together extremely well."
"She could fit well with another guy just as well though, isn't that right Caden?"

Lena and Daph broke their necks to see my reaction but I had no idea how to respond. They both brought up valid points, it was hard to argue against them.

"I don't even know how to respond to this... I'm only able to ask questions and it's the same one as before. Why would we get married?"

Daph and Lena gave me a look of pity before they rightfully took control of the conversation once again.

"Would you feel comfortable dating someone else?" Lena asked.

"No," I said right away but I stopped myself. "Maybe? I'm not sure."

Daph let out a breath of air before she suggested that I was thinking about this too quickly. What Jace said didn't have to be interpreted in a literal sense. 

"Yeah, I think you could be right," I said. "But speaking of marriage and things, how are things with you and your guys?"
"My golden boy and I are great, not like you and Jace but we have a good understanding of things," Daph answered first with a genuine smile on her face. "I think with time, he'll actually make a move on me."
"Make a move? You two haven't kissed yet?" I asked.
"Not yet, he's kind of shy, you know?"
"I would've never guessed that with the way you talk about him." Lena joked from her seat. 
I nodded in agreement with a few chuckles before Daph went onto tease Lena about her future engagement with her boyfriend of a million years. 

__________

Daph's words kept replaying in my head as I waited for Jace to come over. I was trying so hard to not take what he said in a literal sense but I couldn't help it. Who jokes about marriage? Obviously, he's serious, and for all he knows, I'm serious too... but to what extent?

"Knock knock-" my thoughts were broken by an awkward Jace with his hands behind his back. 

"Hey," I smiled. He stepped in, laid a plate of pizza rolls beside me, and kissed me hello. 

"How's my favorite girl doing?"

Confused. Engaged?... Confused. "Good," I cringed with a roll in my mouth. 
Jace simply looked at me without replying. I knew he knew that I was lying.

"Seriously?"
"Seriously."

Jace sat down beside me as he locked his eyes onto mine, probably waiting for me to crack open like an egg. I slid a few inches away, suddenly feeling suffocated. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" 
"Yes," I coughed. "I'm just..."
"Just what?"
"In need of some space."
"Space?"

Jace's body had become tense as he awaited my next words. I stared back at him, equally as tense because I had no idea what I was talking about either. I still was unsure of what I was feeling towards any of this.

"You said you wanted to get married?" I asked him, clearly without thinking.

"What?"
"The other night when you were over for dinner with my family, you said you couldn't wait to marry me."
"Caden-" he stood up to stare at me in awe. "Did you think I was being literal?"
"Well yeah, I-"

"I can't just say things now without it having to mean something? How could me wanting to marry you mean anything other than I'm not planning on losing you anytime soon and that I want to have you in my life forever?"

"I don't know, it sounds like it could mean another thing... That you're planning on marrying me sometime soon. I don't know how I feel about that."

Jace sat down across the room and dropped his head in his hands. 

"Putting all of this aside, I can't help but wonder why we're even dating if you're not planning on marrying me," he said aloud more to himself than me. 

I couldn't believe this was the way this conversation was playing out.

"Jace seriously?" He looked up at me with something I'd never seen in his eyes before. He'd been open with me before but not like this. "I'm dating you because I see something beautiful in you and I love you."
I moved to where he was and kneeled down to his level before I placed my hands on his cheeks. 
"My feelings for you are real but I don't want to rush things and miss out on the beauty of growing to that point with you."

"But that's the thing, Caden, it seems like we're always on two different pages," he said as he tore his face away from my hands. "We were on two different pages when I first told you I loved you, then we were on two different pages when we first had sex. It seems like you're always the one doing the catching up when I'm always sure of what I want with you. In the end, one of us is always getting hurt because of it."

I didn't understand what was happening.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that you need to figure out what you want Caden."
"What? Are you actually expecting me to make a decision like this right now? On my own?"

Jace shrugged at me as he stood next to the door.

"I don't know Caden. Do whatever you need to do." 

Jace slid out the way he came and left me alone with a mind full of confusion and a plate of cold pizza rolls.