Fried Burrito

t h I R t y

Waking up another morning feeling confused, stressed, and without Jace had started to become the worst combination for me. I missed him so much but I didn't know what to tell him.

Marriage was a big declaration for me. I loved Jace and I want to be with him for a long time but for the rest of my life? I don't know. He's the only boy that I know.

Yes, I loved him and saw so much greatness in him but marriage wasn't a part of my plan anytime soon. I'm in the middle of law school and these years are extremely crucial for my future. I'm only 21 years old, I still had a lot of living left to do. I had to think rationally for Jace and I. Marriage isn't something you can meet somebody halfway on and have it work out in the long run. 

I ended up sitting outside Jace's house for an hour before I finally mustered the courage to walk up to his front door. Before my fist connected with the wood, the door swung open to reveal someone I hadn't faced since the incident. 

Jace's brother stared at me from the door with a sly smile plastered on his face. My heart dropped as I froze in terror. I had to stop showing up at Jace's house. 

"Well well well-" he stopped to lean against the door frame. "Look at what we have here."
"I need to talk to Jace," I whispered. 
"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

He peered in a way that made me feel small but I wasn't going to allow that to affect me. Instead of cowering like I did last time, I decided to do what I should've done from the second he opened the door. I moved to stand eye to eye to him with my arms crossed and chin high. 

"Move-" I ordered. "Before I make you."

He opened his mouth to reply to my clear threat but ended up being interrupted by Jace's voice instead. 

"Caden? What's going on?"
I took a step back to look up at Jace. "I came to talk to you. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, one sec," he said before he pulled his brother out of the way to take his place. He followed me out to where my car was and awaited the jumble of words I knew he didn't want to hear. 

"Well before I say anything, I'd just like to apologize to you," I admitted.
"For what exactly?" 

"For always having to be the one catching up in this relationship. I don't do it intentionally but with everything that happens between us, I can't help but just focus on living in the moment with you. But despite any of that, I've always found a way to meet you in the middle with everything... with sex, with you meeting my family, and with telling you that I love you because I do love you, Jace."

Jace's shoulders became tight as he listened to my words.

"Falling in love with you has been one of the most life changing experiences for me and I mean that in the best possible way. I want to love you and only you for a long time-" a bright smile took over Jace's face before I finished. "but I don't know about forever."

His smile fell as quickly as it came while I panicked about what he would say. 
"So are you really standing here telling me that you haven't spent one day thinking about marrying me? At all?" Jace questioned angrily. 

"Jace-"

"No Caden, answer my question."

I sighed seconds before I could reply to him. I honestly was not up for another fight.

"No," I said with my hands in the air.

"Are you kidding me? After all that we've been through, you're able to stand here and tell me that you haven't thought about being with me forever?"

"Why is this such a big deal to you? We've literally only been together for less than a year."
"Our year mark is two weeks away Caden."
"Right! A year of us dating, not of us being engaged or even talking about marriage. You have to understand that this whole situation has come out of the blue for me."
"No, it hasn't. From the first day I met you, you knew what my intentions were for you. You knew that I wanted to be with you and to grow with you, Caden."

"And how does growing with me include us jumping right into marriage after a year of dating?" I asked him as he stared back at me in awe. "We're so young Jace and you're only my first."
"So what are you saying? Are you suggesting that you want to see other people?"

"What? No! Jace, that's not what I'm saying at all."
"Well, that's exactly what it sounds like. I must be stifling you with all this commitment."
"Jace-"
"Don't worry, your wish is my command as always. Go do what you want."

My heart broke into a million pieces as I watched Jace leave me behind. To say I was both angry and devasted was an understatement. How our words got lost in translation was a mystery to me, and right now, it seems like I'd be unable to solve it.