Comfortable

Here we go again

Kia

I struggled as i got out of bed to go to the bathroom to pee.I am due any day now and the past few months has been rough.Trey comes by when he can and calls like a maniac but we aren't together.After everything went down i ended up giving him his ring back and moving into a condo in L.A alone.Leeya come through all the time and help out so I'm grateful but I can't help but wish it was Trey helping me put on my shoes or helping me up and down the stairs,its just the small things that matter most and make me miss him  but i did what was best for myself and our daughter.I know he loves me but it was my own wishful thinking that he would be ready to settle down right now and have a family.He has been doing everything in his power to try and get things back but I doubt i can ever love him the way I use to ever again.He cheated before but something about this last time tore my heart into pieces and changed my way of viewing everything that I thought love was.I kept my promise of becoming his publicist and keeping it strictly business unless its something pertaining to our daughter but that's it.I never imagined myself being a single mom because Trey always reassured me that he would be here but i guess things really do change.What doesn't kill you makes you stronger huh?Never thought id say it but i guess I'm gaining my strength back because tonight i only cried 4 times, two  times less  than last night.I stared at my dark circles around my eyes in my bathroom mirror before splashing my face with some cold water and flicking the light switch to off and walking out into my bedroom.I made it to my bed just in time to see my phone light up and vibrate on my nightstand which didn't surprise me because this has become a routine every since I left Trey.I slid into the bed and threw the covers over me before pressing the answer button.

Me:Hello?....

Trey:You sleeping?

Me:No your daughter was sitting on my bladder again so i just came from the washroom.....wassup?

Trey:Nothing..I can't sleep and I miss you and Lyric.

Me:Trey....come on please,I don't feel like this tonight.

Trey:You don't feel like what?Your fiance' and the father of your child telling you that I miss you being in my life completely!?

Me:Lower your voice first off,and second off EX fiance',third who fault is it that you aren't laying here with me while I'm  miserable as fuck carrying your daughter!?

Trey:Mine but you won't let me fix it either Kia!How many times do I have to tell you I'm sorry for hurting you and that I'm ready to be the man you want me to be!I pour my fucking heart out to you everyday shawty and you ain't trying to hear shit!I mean damn what do you want a nigga to do?!

Me:Lower your fucking voice Temaine I'm not saying it again and you can start by doing some impossible shit like moving a fucking mountain with your bare hands,bringing me the fucking moon and stars,and getting god himself in the flesh to tell me just how sorry you really are.Can you make that happen?Don't even bother  answering.I have to go I'm tired and uncomfortable.

Trey:So that's it?We gonna argue every time we talk?

Me:Trey....Goodnight.

Trey:man ight Goodnight.....and tell my baby daddy love her and I love you too.

Me:Goodnight.

I hung up before he could say anything else.The sound of his voice broke my heart little by little every time we had these conversations.I hated them because I was constantly reminded of why he wasn't here with us.I slowly turned over and grabbed the pillow that Trey once layed his head on and I placed it close to me as the tears from my eyes streamed down my face until I finally dozed off to sleep.