Red vs Blue Season 7: Male Oc

Rvb S7 E10 "Lay of the Land"

Valhalla
Lopez is seen walking towards Red base, away from Simmons. Donut and Wade walk up to Simmons.

Simmons: Donut! Where have you been? And why did you bring Wade!

Wade: I brought myself!

Donut: And I was just seeing if the Wade and Caboose have anything valuable, in Blue Base to move out. You know, before we try burn it to the ground. Caboose asked me to house-sit.

Simmons: Did they have anything valuable?

Donut: Well, I'm not gonna tell you! You'll just find it and burn it.

Simmons: Yeah, that's true.

Zeta: (Appears) Why do you want to blow up blue base so, bad?

Simmons: Because it's what where supposed to do!

Wade: But, you do realise I'm right here... to stop you at any moment.

Simmons: ...Doesn't mean, I can't try at least.

Wade: (Sighs)

Simmons: So, Donut what valuable did they have?

Donut: Nah, there's not much over there. Just some spare parts from Caboose's "build-a-new-best-friend" project... and it looks like he took that A.I. unit with him.

Simmons: So dumb. ...Wait, what? A.I. unit?

Donut: Yeah! It was kind of cool. It was purple and liked to hear old stories about—

Simmons: What? He kept that!? He wasn't supposed to keep that! I thought he turned it in! That was part of the deal for getting our bases! We had to turn over all equipment!

Donut: You're talking to me about things that don't really make any sense. I've been kind of gone. I don't know if you noticed.

Simmons: Wade! Why did you let him keep it!

Wade: He give me the puppy eyes! Besides, he's been so, desperate to bring Church back... I thought, I'd let him try.

Zeta: Even if it was wrong, it still seems like a nice decision for Wade to do for Caboose.

Simmons: (Groans) I need to tell Sarge and have him get it back from that idiot...

Simmons walks away from the two and a radio sounds.

Simmons: Sarge, come in. Sarge. Sarge, do you read?

The only response is static.

Simmons: (Sighs) Ah, dammit. Hey Lopez!

To Lopez with his back facing Simmons.

Lopez: >Yes.<

Simmons: Is the radio busted?

Lopez: >Busted radio. How come no one ever wants to talk to me about anything else?<

Wade: Simmons, can you even understand what he's saying?

Simmons: Well, um.. a little bit. Do you understand him?

Wade: (Rubs the back of his neck) Umm, no.

Simmons: (Sighs) Lopez! The radio! (Slowly) No work? Call Sarge-o. Yes or no.

Lopez turns around to face Simmons.

Lopez: >You speak English worse than I do. (Also slowly) Yes. Radio. Good. Butt. Up yours.<

Simmons: (Still slowly) Then, how come I can't get Sarge?

Lopez: >Maybe their radio is busted, Einstein.<

Simmons: (Still slowly) Can you fix it?

Lopez: >Can I fix their radio from here? Sure. Because I am magic. I am a magical robot.<

Simmons: How come, in all these years of working with us, you haven't managed to learn one single word of English?

Lopez: >I don't know. Probably trying to avoid conversations like this.<

SandTrap
To the reds and Caboose lined up and facing C.T and Smith.

C.T: Now I'm sure you've heard about the treaties between aliens and people. We're here to investigate an energy reading. Rules are now, if they find one of these things, all investigation teams have to have at least one person and one alien. No exceptions.

Leo: What kind of energy reading are you searching for?

C.T: I can't tell you that. In fact, I need you to leave this area A.S.A.P. The alien diplomats will get mighty suspicious if they find another human squad showed up. We don't want to cause an intergalactic incident.

Caboose: Oh, we're used to doing that...

Sarge: Ooh, ah, what my friend means is that we're, um, used to following protocol.

C.T: Good! Then you guys just head on your way and we don't need to report this to anybody.

Grif: Dude, we're not going anywhere. Our jeep is wrecked.

The jeep behind them explodes with Leo turning to face it.

Leo: (Holds his head in shock) How!? How do these things keep happening!?

C.T: Damn. Okay, we'll help you repair your jeep, and then you're gone. Couple of rules while you're here. This is a restricted dig site. Everything here is property of the military. Do not go looking for any artifacts. And do not go anywhere without telling me. Got it?

Grif: Yes Mom, we got it.

C.T: Okay. Quick quiz, then. What are you gonna do if you find an artifact?

Caboose: Not take it.

C.T: No, that was a trick question. You're not going to find an artifact because you're not going to be looking for an artifact.

Caboose: Maybe I knew it was a trick question... so I gave you a trick answer.

C.T: There are no trick answers, there are only wrong answers. Are we clear?

Grif: Yes.

C.T: Are. We. Clear?

Sarge/Grif/Leo/Caboose: Yes!

C.T: Okay. Then head down there. On the left, you'll find some wracked jeeps you can scavenge for parts. There's also water down there on the left, too. Keep yourselves hydrated. You want some chow? It's with the water on the left.

Sarge: Thanks. And we'll be leaving as soon as we can.

C.T: Yes, you will.

The reds and Caboose start head down to where they were told to go.

Grif: Are you thinking what I'm thinking, guys?

Leo: They're being way to suspicious.

Sarge: Yeah. Something just doesn't seem right.

Caboose: I know. Everything is on the left.

Grif: Shut up, Caboose.

Back with C.T and Smith, watching the reds and Caboose from a distance.

Smith: ~You think they know something?~

C.T: No, I don't think they know anything. You get back to the temple. Keep working on getting it open. I'll take care of these idiots.

Unknown to the reds and blues. Behind the ruins are several dead aliens and soldiers... of what was once the first expeditionary dig team, here.

The End
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