him her

man

my hand hovers over the bottle of liquor.

is it even worth it?

no. not really.

but i want it.

i want to feel the addicting numbness, the swerve of my eyesight, the pounding of my heart when i found it hard to inhale properly.

it brings me comfort, the comfort that i had for long, thought i had lost.

its something crazy, you know.

getting addicted to something that's bad for you.

why, though?

why does it have to be crazy.

i take a swig of whiskey, my throat gargling when it heated up.

all i could think about was the non-sense of things.

and, at one point, even a song.

"I'm gonna find me

A hole in the wall

I'm gonna crawl inside and die

'Cause my lady, now

A mean ol' woman, Lord

Never told me goodbye" i laughed.

she never really did.

and neither did.. xavier.

i drop the bottle, not caring about the swish it made as it poured out, and stuffed my face in my hands, crying.

no, sobbing.

because i lost my family, i had lost everything.

And i was mad.